Self proclaimed billionaire can't afford a podium that doesn't wobble during deranged rant

Detroit has entered the chat.

My parents didn't smoke but that's literally how I knew the babysitter was gone and my parents were home from a night out.

There's a real time and place for every human being to eat the sloppiest sandwich ever made. And it's fucking delicious. Every time.

I've said it before but I'll say it again. I've met Gretchen and her daughters on a few very unofficial occasions. She's polite, gracious, helpful, and gives zero fucks.

There was a podcast that was put out last week where she was promoting her book and swearing her motherfucking ass off like a true Michigander. Legend.

*link: https://youtu.be/x9Ev9QTvy5U?si=bs5pnAfm5wyFObl8

Knockin' me out with those American thighs

YES!

It's a quirky pretentious thing that they take pride in. It's not Ohio State University. It's THE Ohio State University

Fair point. I wonder what the weather is like up there on those high horses

If you're from the Midwest and don't call it THE Ohio State University you've immediately lost my trust. And I didn't even go there.

Onward to the paper, my noble steed!

Fuckin' oversensitive dipshits. All of them. They can feel free to paddle their douche canoes as far away from me as possible.

Gretchen is such a wonderful person, too. I used to deliver groceries to her and her family. She just used an app with the username Gretchen W. She always helped me get the groceries from my car and into the kitchen if she was home.

Her daughters were also extremely polite and willing to help.

I'd take a Whitmer-Buttigieg ticket in a millisecond.

Worst debate in United States history.

Do we have clearance, Clarence?

I know. Different movie but I couldn't resist.

So THAT'S what was leaving the ring in my toilet back in college!

...right?

Making new frens every day

The Bert's Gambit

I hope the Great Lakes region of the Midwest is on the precipice of raising a giant middle finger to the GOP.

I completely agree. One of the most memorable nights of my life was going to an LGBTQ+ rave bar in the basement of some random building because my friend said it would be fun.

That vibe was pure awesomeness.

Cast CROPDUST and watch in delight as the room evacuates due to the stench emanating from your festering bowels.

This is how The Battle of Wisconsin starts.

Here's the important part... it's all normal.

And there's no definition of normal. We're all just trying to find happiness.

Nothing says winning like losing so hard.

Not another crossover episode 🙄

Relatable.You bet your ass if I ever find out who stole my Talkboy shit's gonna go down.

Fold the map down south and Michigan could give Florida an epic handjob. We have such wonderful geography here.

Literally the first rule of Raccoon Club. You don't talk about Raccoon Club.

That brake check maneuver is going to haunt her for decades.

If you've never rolled over in laughter after someone rips The Big One, I will forever question your friendship.

Farts are tactfully hilarious bodily functions. Mad props, too, if you covertly crop dust an entire room.

Yes. American Pie - Summer Edition. Just as warm, but a little bit wetter.

Good on NASA for scrubbing the launch to keep both the astronauts and the launch team safe. That's how it's supposed to work.

Seriously, though. That fine is less than a slap on the wrist.

I'm terrified to see an AI rendering of what The David, 2 Girls, 1 Cup would look like.

He nailed it with bringing nuance into the conversation, too. Very good example of a well thought out opinion.

For me it's about having something relevant to say.

The urge to talk just so you can make a dumbass point contributes nothing to the conversation.

This article would drive him crazy if he could stay coherent enough to learn what ignominy means.

If you aren't going 90mph on your way into Detroit you're causing a traffic jam. Full stop.

Mine tried to hide in the cabinet above the sink. His guilty ass was displayed prominently on their website for years!