asklemmy
Ask Lemmy Susaga 5 months ago 97%
What food experiences from your country would you recommend to tourists?

Not necessarily the *best* meals (or places), but the meals (or places) that best represent your culture.

85
80
asklemmy Asklemmy What are your thoughts on the loblaws barriers?
Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 5 months ago 100%

    If your only defence for a thing is "it's not technically against the fire code", then it's a fire hazard. Like, if I say "I technically didn't steal your watch", then you would say "give me back my watch".

    24
  • asklemmy Asklemmy Would you watch the earth form from nothing to the current time for 500.000 $?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 5 months ago 100%

    You keep asking this question, we keep saying no, and then you ask it again with LESS money on offer. You don't get how haggling works, and you definitely don't get how asklemmy questions work.

    43
  • asklemmy Ask Lemmy Does anybody dislike anime and manga?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    OP has been in a lengthy struggle with the world over media. They swore off manga previously due to "christian morals" and the fact that Zombieland Saga contained zombies, then got back into it because of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, and now it seems they've hit another block within the last month.

    And it's not just manga. They've also had an issue with Wikipedia.

    39
  • asklemmy Asklemmy How to deal with living in a world with no future without being high 24/7?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    For me, it's just math. The odds of things getting better if I try may be low, but the odds if I don't are even lower. I'll take the higher odds every time.

    For you, have you considered spite? Live the best life you can to prove wrong everyone who tried to stop you, and do as much good in the world as you can so those trying to do evil have to try just that little bit harder. It only takes one good hit to ruin a superior opponent's perfect game, and you can only get that hit if you keep playing.

    30
  • asklemmy Ask Lemmy What are some good alternatives to Wikipedia and TV Tropes?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    I was afraid of that, but given some of your previous posts, I'm not all that surprised.

    Since both those sites are just descriptions of things that exist, it sounds like you want an echo chamber where you don't need to acknowledge that certain things exist. I think it's better to try and figure out why you're so offended by reality.

    10
  • asklemmy Ask Lemmy How do we actually get out of this climate disaster?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 75%

    Are you the head of a major international corporation? If not, there's nothing meaningful you can do.

    2
  • jokes
    Jokes Susaga 6 months ago 92%
    "Freeze! You're under arrest for stealing the Wikipedia database!"

    "Wait! I can explain everything!"

    53
    1
    asklemmy Ask Lemmy Trolls of Lemmy, what is up with that?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    I think they're under the unfortunate delusion they're being funny.

    25
  • asklemmy Ask Lemmy What are some good alternatives to Wikipedia and TV Tropes?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 87%

    Is there an issue with these sites I'm not aware of?

    6
  • nottheonion Not The Onion Wanted Drug Kingpin Keeps Exposing His Location in Mundane Google Reviews
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    "He's at the Hilton!" "Well then, let's go there!" "I dunno, it doesn't sound great. This guy only ranked it 2 stars, and apparently it really hates cops."

    33
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    If you kill a PC with a recreation of the Boromir death scene, you might be able to hit all three at once!

    38
  • rpgmemes RPGMemes I believe the term is "get rekt noob"
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    And we played the first thing that came to our heads
    Just so happened to be
    The best song in the world
    It was the best song in the world

    65
  • asklemmy Asklemmy Would having a cat girl as a family pet mess my kids up?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    They were being kind and assuming there was a miscommunication.

    4
  • rpgmemes RPGMemes Quests from the Infinite Staircase will cause such a shitstorm
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 50%

    It's not the anger that's cowardly, it's the refusal to try. It's taking any other path, so long as you don't have to risk your own stupid pride. Have the humility to accept you might not make the right call, but the courage to actually make it for yourself.

    This adventure comes from a time when modules were a toolbox. One of the most popular modules from the era had a plot of "there's a bunch of monsters in some nearby caves, and they don't all like each other". Tunnels were blocked by debris, allowing the DM to connect it to another dungeon they wanna try. You might come back to the same dungeon a second time, and the contents of the room will change. A module is a starting point, but the DM continues the story from there.

    If you don't know how to prep that, then the empty room is a boon. If you do, then the empty room isn't an issue. If you don't want to prep a campaign like that, then maybe this style of module isn't for you in the first place.

    0
  • rpgmemes RPGMemes Quests from the Infinite Staircase will cause such a shitstorm
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    I wasn't a good DM either. But then I learned. I threw encounters at the players I thought might be fun, and I missed the mark almost every single time. But my players had fun, so I don't see the problem in getting those encounters wrong. And every failure taught me so much more than every success.

    If you fail, but you keep it fun and learn for the future, what have you lost? Only your pride.

    2
  • rpgmemes RPGMemes Quests from the Infinite Staircase will cause such a shitstorm
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 50%

    But some monsters are strong against certain builds and weak against others. Some monsters are stronger in certain environment and entirely nullified by others. Some monsters are stronger given certain allies and weaker when alone.

    If you could devise a system to assign monster complexity based on every scenario you can imagine that monster being part of, then either that's an astonishingly small number of scenarios or an absurdly complex calculation to force on anyone.

    0
  • rpgmemes RPGMemes Quests from the Infinite Staircase will cause such a shitstorm
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 75%

    This is a room. After seeing dozens of rooms with monsters and furniture, you are given a room with nothing in it and told to fill it yourself. You know the general sort of thing that goes in the room, so all that's left is to decide precisely what. Everything before the room has been given to you, and everything after will be given as well. You just need to come up with one room.

    You can have a paid product full of things to put into that room and not learn a damn thing about actually preparing rooms like that. You can memorise every entry on a multiplication table and still not know how to actually multiply two numbers. The most valuable teacher is experience, which is why you have to actually figure out what the gaps in the number sequence are.

    So you can try. You can come up with a few monsters you think would be fun, and would fit into that room. You add a bookshelf and a table for flavour, and to make the fight a little bit more interesting. It could go well or it could go wrong, but you learn either way.

    Or you can rage against the system that dared tell you to figure out a single room by yourself; dared to tell you to put your pride on the line and risk making a mistake.

    The second one sounds cowardly to me.

    2
  • rpgmemes RPGMemes Quests from the Infinite Staircase will cause such a shitstorm
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 63%

    I think it's mostly cowardice, personally. People don't want to risk putting their own choices into a game based entirely on choices, just in case they aren't as good. It's better to use someone else's decisions than risk your own pride.

    Then you have ignorance. A lot of people don't know how to fill the gaps, and WotC has never bothered teaching them how. Any rules they did get are rules of thumb and aren't something to use without thought (like CR), so people complain for reason 1 again.

    6
  • asklemmy Ask Lemmy If Jesus and his apostles had Chinese food for the last supper, what do you imagine the fortunes would say?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 90%

    "You will reunite with a friend"
    "The bad times will be over quickly"
    "A sudden windfall will come your way"

    8
  • asklemmy Asklemmy What historical events prove humanity hasn't fundamentally changed in the last 10k years?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    That's bollocks. Whoever claimed that people used to draw dicks to ward off evil was talking out of their ass to make a dick pic seem classier. They were just embarrassed that their submission in an archeological journal was so similar to what they carved into their desk in school, and I'm damn certain the school desk isn't protected from evil either.

    20
  • asklemmy Asklemmy What is your favorite paradox or conundrum? I am partial to can god kill god?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    I find it funny that you directly quoted wikipedia to write that (exact wording from the paradox article, I checked), but ignored the sentence immediately before it (...or a statement that runs contrary to one's expectation). Also, the linked articles at the bottom include the unexpected hanging page. Maybe read the entire wiki page before citing it?

    Also, in case wikipedia suddenly isn't enough, here's an article on wolfram to back me up: https://mathworld.wolfram.com/UnexpectedHangingParadox.html

    1
  • asklemmy Asklemmy What is your favorite paradox or conundrum? I am partial to can god kill god?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 80%

    My dude. The paradox doesn't change based on whether or not the judge knows the truth, or even if the man dies.

    The truth is the man was made not to expect a thing by his own logic proving he would always expect a thing. The paradox is based on his own prediction being wrong because of his prediction. In this instance, his prediction was what his emotions would be.

    A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "why the long face?" I haven't said how they remove the horse from the bar, so does that mean I didn't tell a joke? Or does horse removal not actually matter to the joke?

    3
  • asklemmy Asklemmy What is your favorite paradox or conundrum? I am partial to can god kill god?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    You have understood nothing.

    Neither statement can be true OR false. If statement A is true, statement B is true, which means statement A is false. To simplify, if statement A is true, statement A is false.

    "This statement is false" can be neither true nor false. That is the most basic paradox there is.

    9
  • asklemmy Asklemmy What is your favorite paradox or conundrum? I am partial to can god kill god?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    I don't think you've quite clocked it. It's not that one of the statements has to be wrong, because that's just a point in the cycle. If A is wrong, then B is right, which means A is right, which means B is wrong, which means A is wrong and the cycle begins anew.

    They aren't wrong, they're contradictory. There is no logical way to parse the two statements together. That's what a paradox is.

    14
  • asklemmy Asklemmy What is your favorite paradox or conundrum? I am partial to can god kill god?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 80%

    Cannot be properly defined? "Expecting it" means "regarding it likely to happen", according to the dictionary. He regarded it as impossible to happen, so he was not expecting it. His own logic disproving the event (him being surprised) allowed the event to happen (he was surprised).

    Why does the paradox suffer if he lies about the solution? The paradox has already played out, and anything after that is just set dressing.

    Just off the top of my head, maybe the judge has a camera set to gauge his reaction to the knock on the door? Or maybe he goes into denial and tries to explain his logic, thus proving the paradox? Or maybe the judge doesn't actually care as much as he said, but trusts the logic to hold out and make for a funny story?

    3
  • asklemmy Asklemmy What is your favorite paradox or conundrum? I am partial to can god kill god?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    The Unexpected Hanging Paradox: A man is sentenced to death, but the judge decides to have a little fun with it. The man will be killed at noon on a day of the judge's choosing in the next week, from Monday to Friday. The only stipulation is that the man will not expect it when he's called to be killed.

    The man does some quick logic in his head. If Friday is the last day he could be killed, then if he makes it to Friday without dying, he knows he must die on that day. And since that wouldn't be a surprise, he cannot be killed on Friday.

    He then extends the logic. Since he can't be killed on Friday, the last day he can be killed is on Thursday. Thus, all the prior logic regarding Friday applies, and he cannot be killed on Thursday either. This then extends to Wednesday, then Tuesday, and then Monday. At the end, he grins with the knowledge that, through logic, he knows he cannot be killed on any of the days, and will therefore not be killed.

    Therefore, the man is astonished when he's called to be killed on Wednesday.

    62
  • asklemmy Ask Lemmy Why is Facebook still so insanely popular?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    There are 7.9 billion people in the world. Only 5.4 billion have any level of internet access. This includes people living in China where Facebook is banned. 3 billion is such a high percentage of all possible facebook users that I have to assume the numbers aren't all that accurate. Maybe "active" just means they haven't deactivated their account? Or maybe they consider bots to be people?

    2
  • asklemmy Asklemmy Is there any movie in which the actor naturally aged and portrayed the younger and older version of character ? Not a prequel sequel thing. One movie.
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    I didn't say "make", I said "film". You don't film the actors until the script, sets and costumes are ready, and you can't edit the movie until after you've finished filming.

    According to wikipedia, filming for Avengers Endgame started in August 2017 and finished in January 2018, with reshoots later that year. This was a big Marvel production with a ton of big-name actors doing complex action scenes, so I'm pretty sure this is on the high end of how much filming would need to be done.

    14
  • asklemmy Asklemmy Is there any movie in which the actor naturally aged and portrayed the younger and older version of character ? Not a prequel sequel thing. One movie.
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 57%

    Aged naturally... to play both older and younger... within a single film...

    Given how most films only take a few months to film at most, I don't think natural aging will have enough impact on a character to have a distinct "younger and older". If the film took years to make, then parts would seem really low quality compared to other parts. If the character was only a few weeks older, you wouldn't notice the difference between the accurate age and the reshoots.

    3
  • jokes
    Jokes Susaga 6 months ago 97%
    Three men die at the same time, and all arrive at the pearly gates together

    Saint Peter looks over the three men and sighs, gently shaking his head. "Look, we're doing some renovations in there at the moment, so we can't accept too many people at once. We can take one of you, so... Whoever had the most tragic death, you get to go in first. Sound good?" The three men all agree, and get in order to tell their stories. "I was out for my nightly jog around the neighbourhood when I heard yelling from a nearby window. I turned to look and, next thing I knew, I was struck by a falling fridge." Saint Peter nodded, a little perplexed, then turned to the next man in the line. "I had just come home from work when I noticed the smell of sweat in the air and another man's clothes in the bedroom. I looked around and, out the window, I saw a man running away from the apartment. Then I just saw red. I picked up the fridge and threw it out the window at him. Turns out the strain on an angry heart wasn't the best for me, and I just collapsed." Peter nodded, a little concerned about if this man should even get in, but he had bigger things to deal with. Instead, he looked at the third man in the line. "So... Imagine you're hiding naked in a fridge..."

    65
    1
    asklemmy Asklemmy Is this actually true???
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 50%

    How the fuck can wikipedia be clickbait? They don't benefit from the number of clicks.

    0
  • rpgmemes RPGMemes You joke that there's no potatoes one time, and your players will never forget.
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    I believe it was Running who stated "If I have seen further, it is only because I have stood on the shoulders of giants." Referring, of course, to the works of noted giant Thrynn Walk.

    4
  • rpgmemes RPGMemes A campaign about nothing
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    Is Jerry Seinfeld alive? According to google, yes.

    4
  • rpgmemes RPGMemes A campaign about nothing
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    I'm confused by the college of eloquence being in a system that is clearly not D&D, since an int of 2 would make you non-sentient and a con of 1 would be dead.

    Sidenote: Jesus christ, I blocked one guy and 43 comments vanished.

    29
  • rpgmemes RPGMemes Martial superiority
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 85%

    In a single round of combat, a wizard can use a spell to rain fire and bring a max health fighter down to 1 hp.

    In comparison, in a single round of combat, a fighter can swing their sword four times and bring a max health wizard down to 1 hp.

    So they're both as good as each other in a hypothetical 1v1 combat scenario which is unlikely to ever come up during an actual game. Bravo. Can we stop having this argument? It's been 4 months since this exact meme was posted.

    19
  • curatedtumblr Curated Tumblr tumblr reading comprehension: electric boogaloo
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    Oh, you mean those things where you hold on and they keep you afloat? Because he was holding on, and the icy cold waters put him to sleep. Your solution is what killed him in the movie.

    The entire point of the scene is to show the sacrifice of those who died to ensure the survival of those who lived. If you try to think up a solution, you have missed the point.

    6
  • jokes
    Jokes Susaga 6 months ago 97%
    A young couple dies while travelling to the altar

    Thankfully, they're both decent enough people for them to wind up in heaven. Hand in hand, the pair walk up to Saint Peter, stood by the pearly gates, and ask him "is it possible for us to get married in heaven?" Saint Peter thinks about it for a moment. "Wait here" he says before turning and walking into heaven. An hour passes. Then two. Time keeps moving and the young couple have nothing but each other to entertain themselves. Eventually, the couple start talking more seriously, with one of them saying "I know I love you, but we're young and we have forever in front of us. I fully believe this will work, but if it doesn't... What then?" Eventually, Saint Peter returns with a tired smile. "I just checked and, yes, you can get married in heaven." "Thank you" says one of the pair. "But we have been talking and... Just in case, is it possible to get divorced in heaven?" Saint Peter starts saying some very unsaintly words upon hearing this question, giving his podium a heavy thump. "You're kidding me! It took me most of a DAY to find a priest in heaven, and now you want me to find a LAWYER?!"

    155
    0
    curatedtumblr Curated Tumblr tumblr reading comprehension: electric boogaloo
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    I like contactless payment, but these contactless tits aren't for me.

    Do you remember those days when you'd go abroad and have to exchange your tits for the local tits? It was nice trying to collect them.

    14
  • curatedtumblr Curated Tumblr tumblr reading comprehension: electric boogaloo
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 98%

    A good example is Titanic where people keep saying Jack could fit on the door, despite the film showing him trying to get onto the door and almost capsizing it, so he leaves it alone to ensure Rose's safety.

    71
  • asklemmy Asklemmy What's the worst scam you've fallen for (or gotten close to falling for)?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    I don't have trust issues, and I think that might actually be worse. Like, if that happened now, I'd only shirk at going in twice, but I'd still go in once.

    2
  • asklemmy Asklemmy What's the worst scam you've fallen for (or gotten close to falling for)?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    It's apparently a reference to fattening a pig before the slaughter. Basically, they trick you into feeding their crypto-pig before running off with all the pork.

    12
  • asklemmy Asklemmy What's the worst scam you've fallen for (or gotten close to falling for)?
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 94%

    When I was playing that game as a youngling, someone asked me to help get some wine from a cult temple. I did, which made the door slam shut and every cultist in the room attack me. I just barely made it out of there alive.

    Then they told me to go get a second one. Yeah, they didn't need wine, they wanted me to die to a trap so they could take my stuff without killing me.

    I'm embarrassed to say I actually went to get that second wine.

    16
  • monkeyspaw The Monkey's Paw I wish politicians could only tell the truth.
    Jump
  • Susaga Susaga 6 months ago 100%

    Granted. It turns out a lot of politicians were so obviously lying about their opinions that the people voting for them had figured out their real opinions. The lie only existed to give the voters justification in casual conversation. In fact, telling the truth makes the politician MORE powerful because of an idea of "sticking it to power".

    This does not lead to truth in politics, because newsreaders are not politicians. They can simply spout propaganda on behalf of the politicians they support, and the politicians can say the technically true "I support this newscaster" statement to make the people believe the lies all over again.

    What it does lead to is a lot of politicians putting on a facade of goodness to reveal their selfish intentions. Much of their facade involved voting for policies that make the world a better place, and that was why you supported them yourself. With the facade gone, they see no point in voting for anything but their own selfish interests.

    With no politicians you can trust anymore, you vote for the only person on the ballot who still claims to have your interests in mind. If they're on the ballot sheet, you must be able to take them at their word, right? Politicians can't lie anymore, right?

    Trump was not a politician.

    4
  • jokes
    Jokes Susaga 7 months ago 86%
    A man buys a pair of smart shoes

    The idea is that, when he goes out on the town and winds up drunk, his shoes can intelligently walk him home without him getting lost. The only problem was that the shoes were too smart, and wanted to see more of the world than just the road between the pub and his house. Every so often, he'd sober up and find himself on a beach or by a river or some such. Unsatisfied, he decided to leave his shoes at home and just not drink as much. The shoes didn't like this either, and walked themselves into his car. They were able to start the engine and drive off, but they didn't have arms to steer with. They crashed horribly, and were destroyed in a resulting fire. The man was distraught. Those shoes kept him safe at night, and they had personalities of their own. It felt like a very real loss to him. As he was grieving, he asked a priest for advice, only to be told that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. His shoes were good shoes, and they were surely going to heaven. Because shoes have souls. (Yes, I did steal this from Red Dwarf, but do you blame me?)

    26
    1
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 8 months ago 100%
    Joe and Frank are called in to identify the body of Jim

    The officer brings Joe into the room and says "I'm afraid his face was heavily damaged in the attack. We've done our best using dental records, but we need you to help confirm his identity." Joe takes a slow walk around the body and flips it over, spreading his butt cheeks a little. After giving it a look, he sighs and turns to the officer. "No, it's not him." "Are you sure?" "Yeah, Jim had two arseholes." The officer blinks. He didn't expect to hear that, and is more than happy to have a second opinion ready. With that, he brings Frank into the room. "Frank, do you think you could tell us if this is Jim or not?" says the officer. Frank heads straight for Jim's buttcheeks, giving them a little spread before sighing, just as Joe did. "No, it's not him." "You're certain?" "Yeah, Jim had two arseholes." The officer furrows his brow. "Two arseholes. I've never heard of something like that before. You've actually seen them?" "Well, no, we haven't seen them. But every time we three went out, people would shout 'Hey, it's Jim with the two arseholes!'"

    112
    4
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 8 months ago 96%
    A man enters a shop he had never seen before...

    A man enters a shop he had never seen before, littered with strange oddities on every single shelf. On one shelf was a monkey's paw, and another housed a strange puzzle box. What caught the eye was a strangely beautiful statue of a rat, small enough to fit into a person's hand comfortably. The man looked for a price label, but couldn't see one. Instead, he turned his head to the shop keeper, watching him closely. "How much for this?" "Oh, only five dollars, sir! But it'll cost a thousand dollars for the full explanation, hehehe..." The man decided to only pay the five dollars, and left. As the man walked down the street with his new statue, he heard small scurrying sounds behind him. He turned and spotted a rat not too far behind, following him in nearly a straight line. The man started to quicken, and so did the rat. Before long, other rats joined in the chase, all following the man and his statue. More and more, almost as if every rat in the city was chasing after him. He broke into a sprint to escape the swarm, but they chased him down in a fervor. Scared for his safety, the man lept onto a street lamp, climbing up and away. The rats began to pile onto each other, trying to get closer to him. With no options left, the man threw the statue. It sailed a short distance before falling into the nearby river. The rats turned and pursued the statue, all of them leaving the man alone to dive into the water. The statue sank to the bottom, and all the rats drowned as they tried to swim deeper. The man could only watch in shock and horror, holding onto the lamp so he wouldn't get swept away with the storm. Once on his own feet, he walked straight back to that very same shop. The shop keep grinned seeing the man. "Ah, you want to hear the full story, I take it?" "Nah, too expensive. Do you have any lawyer statues?"

    59
    5
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 9 months ago 96%
    An Englishman walks through the Scottish highlands...

    Suddenly, he finds himself incredibly thirsty, and without any tea or water on his person. Since he's already slumming it, he heads to a nearby stream and starts cupping water into his mouth. Immediately, a local farmer starts running up to him shouting "dinnae dram fae tha wa'er! Is full o' pish 'n' shite!" The Englishman looks up at the farmer and says "I don't speak rural. If you must speak to me, please use the king's English." The farmer blinks, then slowly and carefully says "I- I was jus' askin' if yer wan'ed a cup?"

    92
    3
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 10 months ago 88%
    A man celebrates his 50th birthday by getting botox

    The procedure is surprisingly fast and is a rousing success, leaving the man's skin far smoother than it had been in years. He stops by a news stand to buy a newspaper when he suddenly decides to ask the vendor "hey, how old do you think I am?" "Uh... I'm gonna say 40?" "It's actually my 50th birthday, but that's good to hear!" With a spring in his step, he heads into the butchers to pick up some sausages for the night's dinner. He decides to ask the butcher "hey, how old do you think I am?" "Hmm... I'm gonna say... 36, maybe?" "I'm actually 50, but that's great to hear!" He's practically bouncing on his feet with joy at how well the operation went as he waits for the bus home. A little old woman walks up next to him and he immediately asks her "hey, how old do you think I am?" The old woman pauses, squinting her eyes at him. "Well, my eyes aren't what they used to be, so I probably can't tell by your face, but I do have a trick that always works. Do you mind?" The man allows the old woman to stick her hand down his trousers and have a good old rummage. He's stunned, but too intrigued to stop her. After several minutes of touching, she pulls her hand out and says "You're 50 years old exactly." "Wha... That's amazing! How did you know?" "I was behind you at the news stand."

    32
    4
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 10 months ago 80%
    I don't know what my favourite thing about Switzerland is...

    ...but the flag's a big plus

    22
    1
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 11 months ago 94%
    A stupid man goes up to a logician and says "what the hell is this logic thing?"

    The logician, somewhat baffled at the man's comment, decides to educate him in the basics of logic. "Well, it's simple reasoning. You take a fact and draw other facts from it, like... Do you own a lawnmower?" "Uh, yeah? So?" "Well then, logically, you must own a lawn, correct?" "Well, yeah." "If you have a lawn, then I must logically assume you have a house to go with it." "Yeah, that's right!" "And a house would be too big for one man, so am I right in assuming you have a wife? Kids, perhaps?" "I do! Two kids, a third on the way!" "Then logically, you must be straight. And it goes on like that, you see? Logic." "That's incredible! I've gotta tell my buddies about this!" The logician is again baffled that the man's friends don't know what logic is either, but thinks little of it as he watches the man leave. --- That evening, the man approaches his friend and says "Hey, have you heard about this thing called logic?" "What the hell is that?" "Okay, so it goes like this: Do you own a lawnmower?" "No?" "That means you're gay."

    192
    11
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 12 months ago 97%
    A new commander is given charge of an army base

    He goes around the base to give things an inspection, hoping he can make a few changes to improve things. Only half way through his inspection, he finds a private stood next to a bench, seemingly doing nothing. **Commander:** Private, what are you standing around for? **Private:** Sir! My orders are to stand here and make sure nobody sits on this bench, sir! **Commander:** ...Why? **Private:** I'm not sure, sir! I was just told to do this by the previous commander! Utterly confused, but unwilling to let the mystery lie, the commander makes a call to the previous commander, now promoted to brigadier. **Commander:** Brigadier, sir. I just gained control of Fort Naimheer, and I was wondering why you ordered a man to stand next to a bench and tell people not to sit on it. **Brigadier:** Oh, that guy? Yeah, I didn't give the order to begin with. I just figured the other guy had a reason for it, so I left it alone. Now even more confused, the commander makes contact with the general who led the base before him. **Commander:** General, sir. I just gained control of Fort Naimheer, and I was wondering why you ordered a man to stand next to a bench and tell people not to sit on it. **General:** Huh? Oh, that? It was a standing order. Before my time, you see. **Commander:** Figured as much. Do you know who first issued the order? **General:** Oh, I believe so. He's retired by now, but I could get you in contact with him. Finally, the commander makes contact with the veteran, a former commander like himself, who first made the order. **Commander:** Hello, sir. Sorry to interrupt your retirement, but I just gained control of Fort Naimheer. Is there a reason why there's a man standing next to a bench and telling people not to sit on it? **Veteran:** ...Is the paint *still* wet?

    63
    6
    rpgmemes
    RPGMemes Susaga 12 months ago 94%
    When you forget what your character can do, so you check your character sheet

    As it turns out, this comic is a brilliant meme format, and we need to get the ball rolling on this.

    433
    16
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 12 months ago 92%
    A philosophical horse walks into a bar

    The bartender asks the horse "I take it you'll have an ale?" The horse says "I think not" and promptly disappears. This joke plays on the classic idea of "I think, therefore I am", but I didn't want to explain the joke before you heard it. That would be putting Descartes before the horse.

    44
    3
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 12 months ago 90%
    My friend said I'm obsessed with mystery stories

    Or did she?

    18
    0
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 12 months ago 96%
    A farmer adds a new hen to his chicken farm

    The oldest hen on the farm immediately flocks to the new hen and offers to show her around. "Here's where the food usually gets thrown. You're welcome to peck and whatever's nearby. Over here's a trough of water. You can drink from it, bathe, whatever you like. Just don't poop in it, cause we all use it. Over here are the chicken coops. It's where we go to sleep for the night. Just take any open nest and rest for the night. Over there's the rooster. He likes to think he's in charge, but we all know who has the real power around here. This is a gap in the fence, and it leads to a main road. Don't be tempted! If you cross that road, you'll never hear the end of it!"

    25
    0
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 1 year ago 90%
    Helium walks into a bar

    The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses here!" Helium doesn't react.

    32
    0
    jokes
    Jokes Susaga 1 year ago 94%
    What's the difference between a guitar, a fish, and a piece of duct tape?

    You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.

    31
    6
    "Initials" by "Florian Körner", licensed under "CC0 1.0". / Remix of the original. - Created with dicebear.comInitialsFlorian Körnerhttps://github.com/dicebear/dicebearTO
    TearsOfTheKingdom Susaga 1 year ago 100%
    What would you name the Light Dragon?

    It's recently struck me as odd that the game uses the term Light Dragon, but doesn't use Fire Dragon, Ice Dragon and Shock Dragon. I know why the Light Dragon wasn't named, and there's probably a lore reason implied by Dinral, Naydra and Farosh being given actual names, but it'd be nice if the Light Dragon fit the pattern. So the question is, if you were to give the Light Dragon a name to fit with the others (likely given to her by people who see her), what would it be?

    8
    5