Sitting alone in my dilapidated apartment for years now, I realize its not always in that order.

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* *I am NOT OP. Original post by* [*u*](https://www.reddit.com/u/Yourgirlanonishere)*/thra_Impress6525* *in* [*r/relationship_advice*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice) Mood spoiler: ::: spoiler show spoiler Sad, but hopeful for OOP ::: ​ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wv3rbh/my_26f_fiance_is_convinced_i_have_a_crush_on_my/) ​ My best friend Sarah (26F) and her husband Matt (28M) have put me in a very difficult position with my fiance Jack (30M). I knew Matt since my childhood, he was my neighbor and we were friendly. Sarah and I were roommates in college and became close friends. When I introduced Sarah and Matt, they hit it off and started dating each other. I was happy to see two of my friends get together but also annoyed that I became the third wheel and was often ignored or set aside because they were so into each other. By the time I graduated, Matt had completely dropped me as a friend. That saddened me but I was still good friends with Sarah so it was what it was. Sarah and I would frequently hang out, but I never talked with Matt other than the occasional polite hellos. Sarah would sometimes try to do couples dates with her and Matt and me and my dates. I found that Matt had developed an unpleasant personality and would frequently be rude and condescending towards me. However, he’s a very devoted and loving husband to Sarah so for her sake I ignored him. When my fiance and I got engaged, we had no plans to do a party. Sarah was disappointed that we didn’t throw an engagement party so she organized a small get-together at her home to celebrate us. The party was nice and as things were winding down, my fiance and I went to thank Sarah and Matt for their sweet gesture before we took our leave. Matt was pretty tipsy by then and out of nowhere he suddenly hugged me and in front of my fiance said that he was so glad that I was finally settling down and he is relieved that now I’ll be over the crush I had on him. I was shocked and told him that wasn’t true. He just laughed and told Jack that I was always chasing him and he had to work hard to keep me away. I dragged Sarah in and asked her to please fix this mess and she was all like oh he’s drunk ignore him and says, you know I always trust you, I know you wouldn’t act on your crush. Jack was pretty pissed by this point and he walked out. I ran after him and tried explaining that this isn’t true but he told me he doesn’t want to be anyone’s second choice or their backup plan. Since that night he isn’t talking to me or returning my calls. I have talked to Sarah multiple times to clear things with Jack but she’s brushing me off. I don’t understand why they believe this or why she’d stay friends with me if she thought I was into her husband. I was in her wedding party and did all the work because her sister who was the MOH was too busy. I have helped her through her pregnancy and have babysat her kid so many times. She never gave me any indication she thought this and why would she want me close to her family if she believed this? I feel humiliated that these people think I was pining away for a jerk like Matt. I need help in convincing Jack this isn’t true. I am also mad at him for throwing away our relationship over what some drunken idiot said. I don't know what I am going to do about my friendship with Sarah. **Update:** I talked to Sarah again and asked her first of all why she’d think I had a crush on Matt. She said that when I first introduced them I had talked up Matt and gushed about him and she took that as me being into him. I said I was fond of him since I’ve known him for a long time but that doesn’t mean I want to be with him. She said when they started dating I was often upset about it. I said I wasn’t upset about their dating, I was upset that she’d make plans with me and then leave me to be with him and when we were all together I didn’t enjoy being the third wheel while they ignored me. That had nothing to do with wanting him and more to not liking being left out by my best friend. I asked her why she hadn’t said anything before and she explained that she could “manage” the situation. She had asked Matt to stop talking to me completely and she engineered situations so there was little chance of us socializing with each other. I asked her now that I have explained that I never had a crush on Matt, can you please talk to Jack and tell him. She said she didn’t want to lie. This frustrated me immensely. She could ignore this imaginary crush for years and manipulate me, but won’t talk to my fiance to help my relationship. I told her I was done being her friend. Thinking back I was always doing stuff for her and she used me but did little for me. ​ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wz6ubd/update_my_26f_fiance_is_convinced_i_have_a_crush/) (posted yesterday): Tl;dr: Jack and I broke up. I wrote a long letter to Jack explaining the entire history of my relationship with Sarah and Matt with the recent screencaps. I asserted as best as I could that I had never pined after any guy and I loved him and he was my only choice. After days of silence, Jack agreed to talk to me. We met and he said that he sees two ways of interpreting this situation. One, Matt and Sarah are right and he doesn’t want to be my second choice. Two, they are malicious people who are messing with me and that shows very poor judgment on my part that I’d have a best friend like this and he doesn’t want that quality in a life partner. Either possibility leads to the same conclusion that he wants to call off the engagement. He reminded me that I had represented Sarah as one of the most important people in my life. I’d jump up and help her all the time. I had once canceled plans with him to take care of her kid when the baby was sick. It had irked him but he had seen it as me being caring and nice, but now he’s seeing all that in a different light. I cried and begged him not to end our engagement, but he wanted a break for a while. I thought over what he said for a few days and came to realize that he was right. I was a clingy friend and a doormat. I never even saw how much one sided my friendship with Sarah was. I was a doormat with Jack too. I didn’t want to get married or have kids this early but agreed to his timelines. I gave up an exciting job opportunity with more money because he didn’t want me traveling for work. I love him but I need to fix myself and be stronger. I gave back his ring and ended things. I returned all the gifts he gave too. He was offended by that, but I didn’t feel good about keeping the very expensive things he had given me. He makes a lot more than me and was very generous with what he gave me, but I can’t keep that now. Sarah was quiet for a while but then started calling me. I ignored a lot of her calls but this morning I answered her call and told her about the breakup. I was looking for sympathy from my old friend. She was more interested in knowing if I was still going to watch her kid while she and Matt went on an overnight trip. She got pretty angry when I said no. I have blocked her now. I have lost my fiance, my best friend and my relationship with my nephew whom I adored, all in one go. But still, I am thankful for the comments that showed this wasn’t something I could fix and helped me rip off the bandaid and walk away from this mess. *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/x02wg4/oop_learns_a_hard_lesson_about_herself/)

Hobby Drama lewosadebu • 1 year ago • 97%

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* So, to my knowledge, no one has done a write-up on the batshit insane history of the Beach Boys and the various inter-politics of band-members that extends to their fanbase, which is why I'm doing this now. I don't really use Reddit so excuse any formatting errors, I'm not entirely sure how to use italics on this thing, but I feel this story is worth sharing anyways. Okay, let's start with the basics, the Beach Boys are a classic rock band most famous for being pioneers of surf-rock. They didn't invent the genre but they were one of the earliest commercially successful surf-rock bands to have vocals, basically cementing the vocal-jazz/doo-wop sound vocal style that's all over the genre. The band was formed by the three Wilson brothers (Brian, Carl and Dennis), their cousin Mike Love and their childhood friend Al Jardine. Brian Wilson was the group's leader, writing all of their songs and eventually producing their records, with Mike Love functioning as the group's lyricist and arguably their lead vocalist (all of the members sung lead but Mike didn't play any instruments so he tended to sing lead a bit more often to give him shit to do on stage). This was how the group functioned from the early 60s until 1964. Here's where the issue begins, for various reasons (largely due to having a panic attack on an airplane) Brian Wilson decides that touring and surf rock sucks complete ass, and that he'd rather innovate in the studio. A solution is agreed upon where Brian will write and record in Los Angeles for most of the year as the other Beach Boys tour, occasionally stopping back in Los Angeles to provide vocals on the instrumentals that Brian cooked up. Lyrics are to be provided by Brian, although he eventually elects to just hire other lyricists. To make up for his absence they recruit another musician named Bruce Johnston to tour with them, who eventually just joins the band. So Brian gets more studio time, drifts away from surf-rock and eventually rock altogether, discovers psychedelics and records some of the greatest records of all time. "Pet Sounds", the Beach Boys fourth album to be recorded in these circumstances, is largely considered the band's masterpiece and consistently ranks near the top of most "Greatest Albums of All Time" charts (it's currently #2 on Rolling Stone's list, for example). It's really incredible psychedelic pop, genuinely a fantastic record and one absolutely worth listening to in full ("Wouldn't It Be Nice" was used in a Fallout advertisement a few years ago and got some attention because of it, "God Only Knows" was performed Bioshock Infinite by a barbershop quartet, I think Reddit likes these sort of things, they're also just very famous songs in general). There's some other material recorded around here that's also fantastic but is not necessary to understand this post. These albums were weird, and they were critically acclaimed, but they weren't as successful as past Beach Boys albums (at least not in America, they sold fantastically in the UK). After one of them was cancelled near its completion ("SMiLE", an album with it's own insane fan history I may write-up later) the band became significantly less successful, Brian Wilson became reclusive and the power in the band generally shifted to the other members. For the most part, this has been true since 1971. Brian has come back a few times, most notably in 1977 with "Love You" (a very weird but very good early synth-pop album), but a history of mental health issues prevented him from ever fully returning and the power in the band gradually shifted over to Mike Love. Here's the thing though, Mike Love is an asshole. Mike Love's many faults are too long to list here, but to put it plainly he's a money-grubbing Reagan-Republican jackass who trampled Brian's creative vision to push the band back towards its surf-rock roots, in the process creating some of the worst records of all time. The Mike Love-helmed Beach Boys albums must be what the Beach Boys sound like to people who hate them, they're truly dreadful. In the mid-90s he somehow got the rights to tour under the Beach Boys' name, and has been doing so consistently since. This is where the fans split. To those who consider themselves fans of the Beach Boys there are two general mindsets: one that considers Mike Love to be the antichrist and one that doesn't. Can you guess which side I'm on? To those who prefer the Beach Boys' experimental works, he's a greedy businessman ruining the band's legacy, but those who prefer their surf-rock tend to be more in favor of the guy. This split is largely across political lines too, Mike fans tend to be more right-wing and Brian fans tend to be more left-wing. Many arguments are had over the merits of these two sides of the band. As Reddit leans younger, more tech-savvy and more left-wing, [r/thebeachboys](https://www.reddit.com/r/thebeachboys) is mostly in favor of Brian, but on Facebook it seems way more violent. If you search for concert footage of Mike Love's "Beach Boys" and contrast it with Brian Wilson's solo touring it's apparent what types of crowds they're playing to. Now, some Beach Boys fans are bipartisan and that shouldn't be left unstated, but this is certainly true for the majority of them. This is where our most recent issue comes to play. So a few weeks ago on New Year's Eve, after Trump lost the election but before he was out of office, he held a party at his Mar-a-Lago resort and the Beach Boys performed at it alongside Vanilla Ice. "The Beach Boys" in question were Mike Love and a handful of touring musicians but no other members, not even Bruce Johnston who is a republican and has toured with Mike before. To say this caused a shitstorm would be an understatement. Beach Boys fans are insecure about many things and I'll be the first to admit that, "Pet Sounds" pretty directly inspired the Beatles' "Sgt. Pepper's" and yet the Beatles and the Beach Boys are often considered to be in different leagues which Beach Boys fans don't really like. One thing that fans of Brian are particularly insecure about is "The Beach Boys" being used when referencing Mike Love's touring band. You can bet that when dozens of articles from major news publications come out about "The Beach Boys" performing at Trump's mask-less party in the middle of a pandemic that these fans would be fucking pissed. And they were. This was easily the most active I've seen Beach Boys fans in awhile, especially on Twitter where just about every tweet about the matter had a dozen Beach Boys fans underneath it clarifying that Brian had absolutely no connection to the concert. In a rare move for him, Brian (or at least his social media team) came out to condemn Mike Love for playing a mask-less concert in the middle of a pandemic to support a man who was voted out of office and wouldn't admit it. Al Jardine, another Beach Boys’ member who regularly tours with Brian agreed, and former Beach Boys’ collaborators had some more colorful things to say (including Van Dyke Parks, the lyricist for Brian’s “SMiLE” project who has pretty regularly shit-talked Mike Love over the years). While this wasn’t the first controversy surrounding where Mike Love’s touring band choose to play concerts, there was a similar controversy a few months ago when they performed at a party for Trump’s re-election in October and another one back in February when they performed at a Safari Club (Brian Wilson is very strongly in favor of animal rights), but this was truly the last straw. Bipartisanship is nearly impossible to maintain with the current politics of band members, and while a true reunion of the band has been discussed to occur sometime later this year (or whenever quarantine lifts) it seems considerably unlikely. The band, the real band with Brian participating, is probably just over forever now. You'll still be able to see Mike Love's bastardization of "the Beach Boys", and you'll still be able to see Brian tour (and Al too, probably) with his incredibly superior backing band, but the true Beach Boys are done. I, and I assume many others, have found some hope though. The sheer amount of backlash seems to show that the Beach Boys’ legacy hasn’t been ruined, that Brian’s experimental music has been and will continue to be properly appreciated, and that attempts to destroy with this boomer surf-rock garbage have ultimately failed. It’s nice to know, but we can’t really be sure for now. Knowing Mike Love, he’ll pull some more shit. I don’t really know how to end Reddit posts but if any of you want a real belly-laugh I suggest you check out Mike Love’s 2017 double-album “Unleash the Love”, specifically its second disc which consists of re-recordings of classic Beach Boys songs. I don’t want to spoil it but pay attention to the vocals, they’re uhhh kinda hard to miss. And if you want some good music to listen to, listen to Pet Sounds! It’s seen as a masterpiece for a reason. If you’ve already listened to it, then listen to their other stuff like “Friends” and “Wild Honey”. That “SMiLE” album I’ve mentioned a few times in this post was eventually released in like 2011 as “The Smile Sessions” and it’s fucking mesmerising, really worth a listen. Get involved with the Beach Boys fan community too, speaking for the Brian-side of the group there’s a lot of really good and really talented people working hard to preserve the band’s legacy. Brian’s current touring band actually consists of a bunch of Beach Boys fans (namely Darian Sahanaja, the main organiser) who were able to perfectly replicate the very complex arrangements of Brian’s songs live. So yeah, that’s all. Have a good one, listen to the Beach Boys, and don’t be like Mike Love. Edit/Author's Note: Just to be safe, I added a couple sentences to show that all of this did have consequences as to follow Rule 10. Didn't really impact the pacing or the point, just emphasized what's at stake in a clearer way. Also, you've all been super cool in the comments, very nice to see people who've decided to check out Pet Sounds after this. I know "thx fer de updoots" is a fucking meme but it's nice how welcoming you all are, I'll probably do a write-up on the history of SMiLE and all of the bootlegs people did sometime in the next couple weeks. Okay, author's note over. *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/HobbyDrama/comments/l4dwza/the_beach_boys_fandom_heroes_and_villains_the/)

I looked at Earth one last time before my suit ran out of power

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* **I am NOT OP. Original post by [u/throwra_overweight](/u/throwra_overweight) in [r/relationship_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice)** trigger warning: ::: spoiler show spoiler ppd ::: mood spoiler: ::: spoiler show spoiler happy ending ::: ***   [**I’m (32M) considering leaving my wife (30F) because of her weight**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nug9bw/im_32m_considering_leaving_my_wife_30f_because_of/) - 7 June 2021 Alright before I get called an asshole let me explain. I love my wife, I think she’s incredibly beautiful and even more so after she gave birth to our son 3 years ago. The problem is that she put on a good amount of baby weight (Obviously) and never lost it. She instead started to gain more weight and was overall pretty depressed. I initially assumed it was PPD and suggested she go to therapy for it. She went to therapy and got some anti-depressants, it took her a while find the right ones, and she’s been fine mentally since she found them. Physically is a different story however. She has continued over the past 3 years to gain weight. The problem isn’t anymore that i’m not attracted to her, But she will die if she continues to gain weight. She is currently 5’2 about 260 pounds with a BMI close to 50 I don’t know what I can do, I feel like i’ve tried everything. I’ve asked her to go to the gym with me, go on a diet with me, Not buy fast food, have some active hobbies. She’s turned down every single one of these ideas. I feel like I don’t have any choice but to give her an ultimatum. Either she genuinely tries to lose the weight or I leave. I can’t watch the women I love and mother of my child slowly kill herself . I don’t want to be the dude who gives an ultimatum, but I see no other choice. I guess I just wanted to ask if i’m being an asshole or if theres any other way I could go about this. **Edit:** For everyone in the comments telling me you can be overweight and healthy, your right. But No, you can not be Obese and healthy, at least not long term. Heart disease runs in my wife’s family and while your weight might not effect you, being overweight is directly linked to heart disease. I understand weight loss isn’t easy, I used to be overweight, but my concern isn’t that’s she not the same way she looked when we got together, It’s that she may not live to see our son become a teenager.   [**Update: I’m (32M) considering leaving my wife (31F) because of her weight**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qh3lev/update_im_32m_considering_leaving_my_wife_31f/) - 27 October 2021 So I made a post about 5 months ago because I was getting pass the point of no return with my wife’s weight. Now Expectedly I got called an asshole and a dickhead and every other name under the book for evening mentioning it. But I also got some real good feedback and decided before I made any real decision I would sit her down and let her know how I was truly feeling. Because at that point we had, had multiple conversations addressing it but none of them lead anywhere. So after we put my son to sleep I asked my wife If we could talk for a moment in the kitchen. Now i’m not gonna lie the conversation was probably the hardest one i’ve ever had. Because despite what everyone believed I do love my wife. Now I don’t want to get into every detail but the basis of the conversation was that I needed her to at least try and be healthier. I also think she needed to hear how serious I was about this and when I told her I was even thinking about separating I think it really put the nail in the coffin. It’s been about 5 months since then and i’m proud to say my wife has lost 35 fucking lbs. I am so proud of her it’s fucking ridiculous. The first month was a fucking hurdle and a half but now she’s going steady and losing weight at a healthy moderate rate. Recently she even started to exercise with me. In the morning I usually jog, but since her knees are somewhat shot 3 days a week we go walk a mile or two, together and either talk or just listen to music together. I know it sounds corny to say but she even seems happier and her confidence is coming back as well. Well this was my little update and I wanted to finish it with thanking anyone who actually gave me advice on my first post.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykdvb5/im_considering_leaving_my_wife_because_of_her/)

Hobby Drama lewosadebu • 1 year ago • 98%

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* <pre><code> Remember, Remember, the 5th of NoRender... </code></pre> I am surprised there aren’t any posts about [Chronicles of Elyria](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/) on HobbyDrama yet! The community was so rife with drama from start to finish that I don’t even know where to *begin*. Throwaway because I will probably be doxxed if I post on my main. # What is Chronicles of Elyria? Chronicles of Elyria was pitched as a [Kickstarter](https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/soulboundstudios/chronicles-of-elyria-epic-story-mmorpg-with-aging) in May 2016 as a dynamic MMORPG with procedurally-generated quests, a fully destructible environment, closed economy, finite resources, and survival elements. The goal was $900k, but they made about $1.3 million in the initial campaign, and through their subsequent crowdfunding efforts made close to $8 million total over the next few years. # What went wrong? In terms of lofty ideas, Chronicles of Elyria was right up there with Star Citizen, but with a fraction of the funds. We’d be here all day if I went into detail about all of the game’s proposed features, because it’s like they were trying to be Crusader Kings meets medieval life simulator meets Harvest Moon meets survival game meets action RPG all at once. Browse through their [Developer Journals](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/forum/Developer-Journals); even without a background in game development, it’s clear that the scope of what they were trying to pull off would have been ambitious for a major studio, let alone a small crowdfunded team. The game’s initial release date was a laughably unrealistic Q4 2017, so it was no surprise that this would get pushed back again and again over the course of development. However, on March 24, 2020, lead developer Caspian made an announcement that rocked the community: [State of Elyria: Into the Abyss](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/forum/topic/34919/state-of-elyria-into-the-abyss) (autoplay warning). In his typical long-winded fashion, Caspian spent the bulk of the post outlining the milestones the team reached over the past year, but only in the last few paragraphs did he mention that due to financial stressors from COVID-19, they ran out of money and had to lay off the entire team, shuttering development of Chronicles of Elyria. Because of several factors I’ll cover in the next few sections, the community did not take this well. In less than two weeks, the Washington State Attorney General’s Office reported they had [received over 150 official complaints against Soulbound Studios](https://massivelyop.com/2020/04/07/disgruntled-chronicles-of-elyria-backers-seek-aid-from-the-washington-attorney-general/), the most they had ever received for a company in that amount of time. Community whales formed a 'CoE Lawsuit' discord and discussed plans for a class-action lawsuit, demanding accountability and refunds. Some of them even pledged over $20k on the game, and they weren’t going to let Caspian cut and run. Amidst threats of legal action, on April 9 Caspian dropped another blog post, [A Letter from Soulbound Studios to Our Community](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/news/34997/A-letter-from-Soulbound-Studios-to-our-Community) claiming that the March 24 post came from a “very emotional place.” He said that the community misinterpreted his intent, and that he was actually trying to communicate that he was still working on the game while looking for ways to secure additional funding. As you can expect, this was just as poorly-received as his last announcement. ​ # Wait, why did people spend so much money on this game? And how did the drama get so spicy? By its own design the game [stirred](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/forum/topic/32867/naw-declaration-to-counts) [up](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/forum/topic/34585/the-first-of-many-power-vacuums) [drama](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/forum/topic/21729/the-kingdoms-of-elyria-a-critical-analysis) even before release. With **social stratification based on medieval feudalism** literally built into the system, there was no way around it; the developers cheekily called it the “Dance of Dynasties.” There were multiple tiers of "pledges" and if I’m remembering correctly, the prices after the kickstarter were $500 for a Mayor title, $1000 for Count, and $3000 for Duke. The most coveted were of course the King/Queen titles, which had people shelling out a whopping $10000 for the chance to be royalty in an unreleased game. Even with the limited supply (6 kingdom slots per server iirc), these kingdom packages sold out all but one server. A few monarchs even purchased TWO kingdom slots to guarantee their supremacy on their chosen server. It’s very difficult to overstate the cult-like mentality of the community during the “peak” years of 2016-2018. There was an official CoE discord server where the developers frequently engaged with players, but most of the drama happened in what were called the **Discords of Elyria**. These were community-run discords for individual kingdoms, duchies, counties, towns, and baronies. Each had their own cliques of ‘advisors’ and elite roleplaying cabals. No, ‘elite roleplaying cabals’ is not an exaggeration; these people were spending thousands of dollars for a title to justify RPing as nobility to lord over the peasant rabble. This attracted a lot of entitled narcissists; the game’s structure practically encouraged it! I’ll give you an anecdotal example: I was really active within a kingdom discord and was eventually appointed as an advisor (the equivalent of what a guild officer would be in a normal MMO). This title was almost useless until release, so it was mainly just a glorified clique with a secret discord channel where we would theorycraft and talk shit about people we didn’t like in the kingdom. But I was the only one on the advisory council that did not possess a noble title, and a Countess kicked up a big fuss about this. Just like the real-life aristocracy, she was scandalized! Wording it in an RP-appropriate way with paragraphs of purple prose, she claimed that the $60 I pledged to the funding of the game wasn’t enough to prove I was fully committed. She and her cronies were so bothered that they tried to get me off the council. They went around DMing a bunch of people, accusing me of being a spy because I used to RP with some guy that left for a rival kingdom, and dredged up screenshots of year-old discord posts as proof my conduct was “unbecoming” of a representative of the kingdom. There’s a saga behind that story and many others; I can absolutely go into more detail in another post if enough people are interested in the byzantine “Dance of Dynasties” and the inter- and inner-kingdom drama that went down during the development of this beautiful disaster of a game… and developer involvement in said drama. If you want to waste several hours of your life, there is [plenty](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/forum/topic/31461/birds-of-a-feather-flock-together) [of](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/forum/topic/34515/the-white-north-war) [RP](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/forum/topic/24716/a-treatise-on-the-social-contract-rights-and-privileges-of-the-nobility-of-elyria) [cringe](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/forum/topic/34663/kingdom-of-darkhelm-declaration-of-war-on-all-angelica-kingdoms) archived on the read-only forums. For now, that’s just a small slice to help illustrate how detached from reality and cult-like this community was. Going back to the downfall... ​ # Early Red Flags As I alluded to, there were already red flags when the game was first pitched on Kickstarter. Despite hitting the initial $900k and going well into their stretch goals, the devs were still encouraging players to crowdfund long after the Kickstarter ended. There were [several additional promotional events](http://iis-prod.chroniclesofelyria.com/forum/topic/30159/list-of-all-store-promotions) (somewhat outdated post that doesn't include everything) selling both cosmetic items and mechanically useful items, despite the developers going through hoops to justify over and over again why the game was not pay to win (it was). Eventually, the constant promotions and gamey tactics prompted community members to question why we were seeing more promotional events than development updates. [The devs then admitted](https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/soulboundstudios/chronicles-of-elyria-epic-story-mmorpg-with-aging/posts/1691859) that the original Kickstarter campaign was meant to raise enough to be able to create a demo to attract investors and secure a stream of income that didn’t rely on crowdfunding. Unfortunately, no investors took a gamble on a risky debut from an inexperienced team, and despite Caspian making a few weird statements on Discord and implying they had “other sources” of funding that they did not have to divulge to the community, he too later admitted that they were relying solely on crowdfunding to make this game work. Well, this news was a departure from their previous claim that all they needed was 900k to develop the game for a Q4 2017 release, and that all funds would be used towards the development of Chronicles of Elyria. No one knew this was all just for a demo to attract investors, and people were justifiably upset. ​ # The Community Begins to Turn There was (and still is, last I checked!) a particularly loyal and obsessive subset of the community. At the slightest hint of criticism they’d quickly jump in to defend the game and devs. The community moderators were no better, and a lot of posts were censored or deleted from the forums. The developers had built up a sort of cult of personality with their over-involvement with the community. Despite a hilarious lack of transparency about the actual development of the game, they were… uncomfortably close to the playerbase. Caspian complained about specific players on the official discord and publicly accused two kingdoms of cheating during a cheap browser event meant to (surprise) raise more money. A player made a post on the forums saying the community outreach manager should be replaced (he was known for being snarky and condescending). Said community outreach manager actually private messaged people that upvoted the post, basically saying “if you think I should be replaced, please don’t contact me if you ever need anything in the future.” Yes, that came from the guy handling outreach. The "Map Selection" event was rife with its own kingdom vs kingdom drama, but the devs weren't able to redeem themselves here. After months and months of delays for a map event, Caspian failed to deliver the high-resolution maps as promised on November 5, 2018, claiming they were taking too long to render. "*Remember, remember, the 5th of NoRender*" became a meme and rallying cry across the community in reference to the constant delays and deception, to the point where people were banned just for saying it in the official discord. Then there was the issue of Prelyria. Prelyria was the low-poly pre-alpha client of the game they were developing. Meant to be like a graybox, it became a lot more involved than that and seemed to eclipse the development of the “real” game. People felt they had been bamboozled when they looked back: [Pre-alpha video May 2016](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb1JcO645BA) [Pre-alpha video September 2019](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G60oJRsoc7E) Some players with industry experience were pointing out that the amount of time the devs were spending on building the Prelyria assets and developing the low-poly client first (it was a lot more involved than a simple graybox) was actually going to be more cumbersome and definitely not save all the time the devs hoped it would. At this point, Caspian still looked like a well-intentioned idea guy with his head in the sky, and most people didn’t think he was intentionally scamming anyone. Personally, I believe Caspian definitely started out in earnest, but he spoiled his own vision with mismanagement and obfuscation. Funding was always a touchy subject. Despite first claiming they only needed $900k to finish the game, then saying no wait actually we need like $3 mil, Chronicles of Elyria raised almost $8 million in total and after 4 years in development had nothing close to a minimum viable product. We later learned that $500k of that initial $900k came from Caspian himself. This of course was not disclosed until after the Kickstarter. On March 20, 2020 (four days before the infamous Into the Abyss announcement), the devs released an exciting update claiming that [Pre-Alpha Testing Has Officially Begun](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/news/34776/PreAlpha-Testing-has-officially-begun)! Players that had pledged (iirc) $1000 or more now had access to test Alpha I! But excitement quickly faded as players realized this **wasn’t really an alpha**, but a 10-15 minute demo showing off movement and parkour mechanics and ONLY that. I didn’t have alpha access so I don’t know how bad the demo really was, and those who played it are still under NDA, but I heard it was terrible, and looked like something that could be slapped together in a couple weeks using Unity store assets. Let’s look again at the timeline Caspian pulled out at the end of 2017 when he admitted the Q4 2017 release date wasn’t going to happen: - V3 of the Website (Q3 2017) - ElyriaMUD (Q4 2017) - Alpha 1 (T1 2018) - Server Selection (T1 2018) - Settlement / Domain Selection (T2 2018) - KoE (T2 2018) - Design Experiences (T3 2018) - Alpha 2 (T3 2018) - Beta 1 (S1 2019) - Prologue &amp; CoE Adventure Toolkit (S1 2019) - Exposition (S1 2019) - Beta 2 (S1/S2 2019) - Stress Test (Any paid account)(S2 2019) - Launch (S2 2019) By March 2020, the only milestones they hit were V3 of the Website, Server Selection in November 2018, and Settlement/Domain Selection (after a series of delays that included a period of radio silence lasting over 100 days, it began somewhere around Summer 2019 and never officially concluded). ​ # The Downfall Now for the big question I’m sure all of you have: why was it such a big deal when he announced they ran out of funding? Indeed, projects are cancelled or become vaporware all of the time. While it's obvious Caspian and team were drowning in too many ideas and not enough tangible progress, why was this scummy enough to warrant hundreds of complaints to the AG and a class-action lawsuit? About a week before the March 24 announcement, Caspian launched the “[Settlers of Elyria](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/news/34728/Settlers-of-Elyria-Returns)” event. It’s hard to explain out of context, but basically all the unclaimed duchies, counties, and baronies were going on sale, and players could purchase them at reduced prices. Yes, up to a day before he announced he laid off the entire team, he was allowing people to spend thousands of dollars on fake titles. Worse was the fact that this event was designed for new members of the community that didn’t have a chance to buy titles before or weren’t able to because of the prohibitive cost. Illegal? Maybe not. Fucked up? Absolutely. This, combined with Caspian taking a PPP loan right afterwards painted a damning portrait of a man squeezing every last penny out of this failed endeavor before he ran. Caspian kept the official discord open for a couple days after announcing the shuttering of the studio, but on March 29, he “fired” all of the community mods and deleted the discord, claiming that people were saying “horrible, unimaginable things” about him. There were rumors that he was cheating on his wife with a (much younger) community member. Apparently, a dev was corroborating these statements and providing receipts. Whether these awful rumors were true or not, [Caspian’s reaction in the mod forum](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/693491721924903053/693897740673089656/Screen_Shot_2020-03-29_at_12.png) was nuclear. # The Future of CoE After nearly six months of radio silence, a few days ago on December 17, 2020, Caspian gave interviews to [MassivelyOP](https://massivelyop.com/2020/12/17/chronicles-of-elyria-is-still-in-development-new-video-from-soulbound-vows/) and [MMORPG.com](https://www.mmorpg.com/interviews/interview-chronicles-of-elyrias-jeromy-walsh-talks-communication-and-the-mmos-future-2000120425) and released an “update” [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqcIFyIzLrQ) that is a nothingburger rehash of old 'gameplay' footage and platitudes. He keeps saying that CoE is in development, but he has nothing to show. He keeps saying some of the staff have volunteered to work on it, yet based on their LinkedIn profiles it looks like most of the original team have found jobs elsewhere. He refuses to release the results of the studio’s audit. The[ new FAQ](https://chroniclesofelyria.com/blog/34998/State-of-Chronicles-of-Elyria-FAQ) on the website is an obvious attempt to avoid lawsuits and in the two interviews he hilariously continues to extol his own transparency while being as transparent as a brick wall. People are still able to find justifications for Caspian's actions and to this day are in the community-run discords and [subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChroniclesOfElyria/) trying to keep the hype train going. Maybe it's a combination of Stockholm Syndrome and Sunk Cost fallacy, but a lot of people still maintain absolute trust in his vision. I personally did not invest a significant amount of money (but I did waste my time, RIP), but it's still as saddening as it is maddening. Yes, those "Dance of Dynasty" posts on the forum might be cringey now, but people put SO MUCH creative energy and passion into coming up with lore for their kingdoms and duchies and towns and such, and despite being a skeptic for most of my time with the community, it was an incredibly unique experience to be part of this group. I just wish they would move on; put that energy into something productive and not waste it on a failed game. Caspian used them and he will continue to use them if people keep giving him a platform. ​ EDIT: added more links EDIT2: Obligatory "wow I didn't expect this to blow up!" but I really didn't! Thanks for the gold x2! *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/HobbyDrama/comments/kj5hw2/chronicles_of_elyria_people_paid_10k_to_be_kings/)

I stood atop his grave and smiled, imagining him screaming and clawing at his coffin lid as he did the two previous times I wished him back.

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* **I am NOT OP. Original post by furtopt in [r/legaladvice](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice)**. Do not contact OP or comment or vote in the linked threads, that is against legaladvice's rules and more generally quite rude. trigger warnings: ::: spoiler show spoiler Domestic violence ::: mood spoilers: ::: spoiler show spoiler positive ending ::: *** [**husband is physically abusive. He is a cop. I can't escape. Help?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/tp9en2/husband_is_physically_abusive_he_is_a_cop_i_cant/?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share) - Sun Mar 27 01:21:57 2022 UTC husband is physically abusive. He is a cop. I can't escape. Help? I'm completely dependent on my husband. He sees all my movement. I'm pretty sure he planted one of those apple tags in my car. He is very violent. I've called the police. They didn't do anything even when I had two black eyes. I have no family. Am estranged of all y friends. I think he's gonna kill me. Help. Ohio. *** [**[Update] Husband is physically abusive. He is a cop. I can't escape. Help?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/vgs4zr/update_husband_is_physically_abusive_he_is_a_cop/) - Mon Jun 20 18:22:58 2022 UTC Hello all, First of all... I am alive! Second of all... thank you all so much. In my first post I was really really scared because I thought my husband might kill me. I'm glad to say I made it out. After the threat I got new motivation and energy to go out. I made a little emergency bag and hid it in the laundry room under the dirty pile. I started keeping petty cash from my shopping trips. With the petty cash I bought a very cheap pre paid phone that I used to call a woman's shelter. They helped me make a plan and got me out of there. That was by far the scariest night of my life. I left when I knew my husband had night shift. I was so scared that he somehow found out what I was planning and was hiding out to catch me. I had been very careful too. I was sweet to him. Acted as if he had broken me successfully. Acted on his every wish. It was very painful. But that night at 3 am I finally escaped with my little bag. I left behind my phone. That same day I had sold my laptop. I told my husband that I wanted to put some cash forward to his gaming PC so he wouldn't mind. I got an old tablet with Sim function for very cheap too. So that I had the rest of the 500 bucks of my laptop sale for me. I left the car behind and everything left the house and just ran till I arrived at a McDonald's and from there ordered an Uber to the pick up place. As soon as I arrived they helped me close everything that could be closed (email, cashapp, my bank account etc etc). And they helped me get an amazing lawyer. So right now I am in the shelter alive and well. I finally managed to get a TRO till the divorce hearing. My lawyer is realistic with the case. But everything that matters is that I am no longer scared of going to sleep at night and never waking up. Thank you so much! *** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vgtsj5/op_asks_legaladvice_for_help_on_escaping_her/)

Hobby Drama lewosadebu • 1 year ago • 100%

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* G'day Curd Nerds! I'd like to tell you about a bit of hobby drama that is not so much a tempest in a teapot as it is a bit of a ripple in a teacup. It's drama that's so small, in such a peaceful little corner of the internet that I almost hesitate to bring it here- except, the resolution has such a unique blend of petty and wholesome that I thought perhaps others might find the story diverting. # The ingredients: **First, the Cheeseman**: On youtube, there is a man whose entire channel revolves around cheese. His name is Gavin, and telling you this is not doxxing because that is literally his channel name. You can find his channel here: [https://www.youtube.com/c/GavinWebber/featured](https://www.youtube.com/c/GavinWebber/featured) However, in the spirit of not using real names (even ones so thoroughly public), I will be referring to him here as The Cheeseman. I came across his channel in March and got hooked on his videos because literally all he uploads (aside from Q&amp;A livestreams) is videos where he walks through cheesemaking recipes, explaining the process the whole time in a very mellow, soothing voice, and tasting videos for the cheeses he's made. His videos are very calming, and exactly what I needed because, y'know, pandemic. His channel has 251K subscribers, which is nothing to sneeze at, but also not enormous. It's also home to one of the most generally positive comments sections of any I've seen; I don't often read comments sections so it's very possible I've missed things, but generally all I see is positive comments and conversations among folks who have attempted to make the cheeses in the videos. **Next, the cheese: Grana Padano** Grana Padano is a type of Italian cheese similar to Parmigiano-Reggiano. It's a hard cow's milk cheese with a grainy, crumbly texture. It's also PDO, that is "Protected Designation of Origin", and has been since 1996. Essentially, just like champagne is only champagne if it comes from the Champagne wine region of France, otherwise it's just sparkling wine (and Destiel is only Destiel if it comes from Supernatural, otherwise it's just sparkling bury your gays), Grana Padano is only Grana Padano if it comes from the Po river valley in northern Italy, otherwise you cannot use that name to describe a cheese. **Which brings us to: The Consortium for the Protection of Grana Padano Cheese** This is a legally-recognized group whose purpose is "preserving Grana Padano and its Protected Designation of Origin (in Italian, Denominazione di Origine Protetta or DOP) status; in promoting it, supporting its development and taking care of its interests and in providing correct information to the public." You can view their website here: [https://www.granapadano.it/en-ww/the-consortium.aspx](https://www.granapadano.it/en-ww/the-consortium.aspx) They have all kinds of detailed explanations of exactly who they are and so forth, but the salient details for the purposes of this drama are that 1) these are the people who make the cheese, and have a vested interest in keeping tight control over the name, and 2) they do have the legal authority to do so. For the purposes of this writeup, I will be referring to them as The Consortium. # Step 1: Warming The Milk So a while back, the Cheeseman had uploaded a video entitled "How to make Grana Padano Style Cheese". I don't have the exact date the original video was uploaded, nor can I link to it, because it has now been taken down, however I can deduce that it must have been uploaded about 15 moths ago, which would have been sometime in August 2019. Because most cheeses take time to age, the Cheeseman generally uploads an initial preparation method where he makes the cheese, and then after aging for the prescribed length of time, he uploads a second tasting video where he shares the results of aging the cheese. The tasting video for the Grana Padano Style cheese went up October 17, 2020, and is viewable here: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1Qj2i3PMy4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1Qj2i3PMy4) The video description indicates a 14-month aging period. In the original video, the Cheeseman makes it very clear multiple times that the cheese he is making is inspired by Grana Padano, and is intended to be as close as he can get to the style of this cheese, but no matter how close he gets, it can never be called Grana Padano because of the PDO status. However, that wasn't good enough for the Consortium. # Step 2: Curdling Three days ago on November 26, the Cheeseman uploaded a video, viewable here: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_AzMLhPF1Q&amp;t=2s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_AzMLhPF1Q&amp;t=2s) In it, he shares that he was sent a cease and desist letter from "an intellectual property company" on behalf of the Consortium, wherein they declare that the Cheeseman's video "is a clear infringement of the Consorzio’s intellectual property rights." They go on to say that "Indeed, your video seems to describe how to create counterfeited replicas of Grana Padano." ​ Let us all take a moment to contemplate the implications of counterfeit cheese. ​ Ok moment over. ​ They conclude by "kindly asking" for the removal of the video within 5 days of the receipt of the letter, and caution that if he fails to comply, they "will not hesitate to take the necessary steps to ensure the protection of its trademark rights." The Cheeseman included in the description of the video a link to the PDF of the letter, which you can view there, if you're so inclined (there's not much more there than what I've included, though). I've chosen not to include it here directly because even though he posted it himself, it still includes some personal information and I'd prefer not to link to it directly. After reading the letter out, he talks a bit about the letter and the original video, playing the snippets where he specifies that he is not and cannot make true Grana Padano cheese due to the PDO nature of the cheese; however he theorizes that he must have gotten pretty close with his recipe based on their concern over "counterfeit replica cheese". He concludes by encouraging his audience to go check out his original Grana Padano video soon if they're interested, because he does intend to comply with the takedown request and remove the original video exactly within the timeframe requested (and no sooner). # Step 3: Pressing and Draining This is where things get interesting, because at this point, the Cheeseman shares that the Consortium has actually *apologized to him*. The very next day on November 27, 2020, the Cheeseman uploaded a video (viewable here: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xy_KkZDiTE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xy_KkZDiTE) ) updating his audience on the Grana Padano situation. You see, he received a letter from the Director General of the Consortium in reference to the cease and desist letter, and the Cheeseman's video on the subject. As with the previous video, the Cheeseman linked to a PDF of the letter right in the video description, and although I will pull some quotes from it, I will refrain from linking it directly here. Basically the gist of it is that they were aware of his video and were going to let it slide (and indeed, it had been up for over a year unchallenged), however the video had been "reported to us [...] by our direct superiors at the Ministry and the EU Committee." The Director General went on to say "We had not intervened before because your good faith is clear from your video and we are very sorry to see you and your community so angry towards us." The Cheeseman responds: "Well personally I'm not angry, but the community has spoken I suppose, [Director General], that's just what they do on the internet" (This is, quite possibly, the most understated and true description of the internet that I have ever heard.) The Director General adds a postscript: "Ps. On a further note, you didn’t quite get the “real recipe” of Grana Padano...it is “slightly” different [smile emoji] So if ever you come to Italy, once this awful pandemic is over, we would like you to be our guest and we will take you to one of our dairies, where one of our master cheesemakers can teach you all the tricks of the trade." The Cheeseman's response to this is gracious, but reaffirms that he doesn't believe he's in the wrong, and shares his intension to re-upload a "grainy Italian hard cheese" video. # Step 4: Aging the Cheese As promised, yesterday (November 28, 2020), the Cheeseman reuploaded his Grana Padano cheesemaking video under the name "Chease &amp; Desist Style Cheese with Taste Test. To Italy with Love 💛" viewable here: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqPP24IU1to](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqPP24IU1to) It is, as promised, exactly the same as the original video, except he's dubbed over every instance of "Grana Padano" within the video with "Chease and Desist". He's also combined the making video with the later tasting video, although the original taste test video was not specifically mentioned in the original cease and desist letter, nor was it ever requested to come down. Indeed, as I mentioned earlier, that original tasting video (with the name of the cheese unaltered) is still up, and as a matter of fact, it shows up in the first page of google results for Grana Padano! # Tasting Notes: If you've read all this, I hope it's brought some amusement. I know it's not as dramatic as most stuff in this sub, but a small-time home cheesemaker getting communication directly from an international cheese consortium was a level of absurd that I had to share. If there are any further developments and if people are interested, I will be happy to provide updates. *[edited to add the link to the apology video]* *[edited again because I messed up numbering my steps and it was driving me nuts]* *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/HobbyDrama/comments/k3hci6/cheesemaking_a_small_cheesemaker_in_australia_vs/)

Feeling the trickle of water rise to my chin, I let go of the prison bars in bitter resentment.

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* **I am NOT OP. Original post by [u/ThrowRAcrib](/u/ThrowRAcrib) in [r/relationship_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice)** trigger warnings: ::: spoiler show spoiler child neglect, suicide ::: *This was previously posted here over a year ago.* *** &nbsp; [**My wife and her best friend accused me of having an affair, then got angry when I didn't have one**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pa68y8/my_wife_and_her_best_friend_accused_me_of_having/) - 23/08/21 I (31M) and my wife (29F) had a baby last December. It was a traumatic birth and my wife developed postpartum depression. While she was originally going to go back to work after the birth, she's been struggling enough that we decided to wait until our daughter was a year old and reassess. She has been going to therapy weekly. With my wife home full time, I've had to work increased hours. This is something we discussed prior to making this decision and she knew this from the start. A few weeks ago, my boss approached me about a project that would require a lot of overtime in a short amount of time. It would both be great financially and for my career. I talked to my wife about it and she agreed that I should say yes to my boss. For the four weeks I'd be working on this, my MIL and her best friend, Jessie (29F, name changed) would come help out with some of the duties that I typically do. Jessie is a SAHM with a four year-old and a two year-old. She began coming over during the day and would watch the kids with my wife. Three weeks into the project, it became clear that we'd need a few more weeks to get it together. I went home that night and talked to my wife about it. She said she was okay with it, but got very cold in the days after. It wasn't unusual behavior over the past few months, so I didn't think much about it and tried not to take it personally. During the last week of the project, I got home one night and saw that Jessie was still at the house. I didn't think much about it, said hi to her and my wife, and then went to go check on our daughter. Before I could get to her room, I heard Jessie say something along the lines of, "He doesn't even stop to greet you. Definitely a sign." I turned around and asked what it was a sign of. Immediately, my wife started crying and Jessie started accusing me of having an affair. She told me that I must hate my wife because she has PPD and am not attracted to her because she gained weight from the pregnancy. Neither of these things are true. I'm trying my best to help my wife through her PPD while supporting our family. And I think she looks great how she is right now, she just hasn't wanted to have sex and I haven't pushed. Jessie then demanded to see my phone. I told her no. She told me that's a sign that I'm guilty. I told my wife that I would let her see my phone if she wanted to. She nodded and something inside me broke. I guess it was the thought that she actually believed I was having an affair really got to me. And that she didn't trust me after everything we've been through. Well, she looked through the phone and there was no evidence. Jessie started saying that I deleted the evidence. She started screaming and woke up our daughter, so I told her to get out of the house. Eventually, she left and I went to calm our daughter since my wife was still on the couch crying. When my daughter was asleep again, I sat down by my wife and tried to talk to her about what's been happening. She told me that she's been worried ever since I started working all the overtime. I told her that we'd talked about how good of an opportunity it was and she agreed to letting me take on this project. She said it was very suspicious to increase the length of the project. I told her that sometimes that happens. She wanted more evidence, so I showed her messages and emails with timestamps from work and paystubs showing the OT. She said she believed me and was sorry for doubting me, it was just that Jessie had been telling her that these were all signs that I was cheating. I asked her why she believed Jessie more than me, and why she didn't come to me with her concerns. She didn't have a real answer. It's been a couple weeks and the project is over. I actually scaled back and am trying to work a little less than I was before the project so I can spend more time with my wife and daughter. But I feel so burnt out trying to do everything and becoming resentful because in the back of my mind, I know that my wife doesn't trust me. I ask myself, what happens the next time I have a project? Or I have to run errands one day? Or if I have a business trip? Am I going to come back every time to accusations that I'm cheating? I've tried bringing it up a couple times but my wife tells me it's not the time and that she's tired or sad. I try to be mindful of her feelings but I wonder if that means that I can never have any of my own. I'm not sure what to do here. Any advice for how I can move forward? &nbsp; [**Update: My wife and her best friend accused me of having an affair, then got angry when I didn't have one**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pcu6sk/update_my_wife_and_her_best_friend_accused_me_of/) - 27/08/21 Thank you to everyone for all of the advice and support on my previous post. I think a lot of you pointed out what should have been obvious, that I need to get a therapist and start looking after my own mental health. A couple people asked for an update, so I'm giving one, but it's not happy. That night I approached my wife and told her that I was going to find a therapist. I didn't connect it to her accusations or anything, just said that I was having a tough time and needed therapy. She shrugged and told me to do whatever. Next day, I got home from work and our room and my home office were ripped apart. Things everywhere. Important papers scattered. I don't see her but our daughter's in her room crying... My wife left her alone, her cell phone's off. I call my in-laws and a few friends, but no one's seen her. I'm starting to get worried and I call my mom to see if she can babysit while I go out and look for her. Before my mom can get home, my wife gets back -- Jessie's driving. Jessie doesn't come in (she hasn't been back in the house since I kicked her out because she was "offended" by my behavior) but my wife does. She's clearly upset, been crying. I ask what happened. I thought at first the house might have been robbed. She starts screaming at me that I'm being unfaithful and that the therapy is a front so I can meet my mistress. I try to calm her down and tell her that's not true, but she came at me and she hit me. My nose is broken. She kind of realized what she did and sat down on the couch and went comatose, just stared at the wall. I went into my daughter's room and locked the door. Called my mom to tell her what happened (she was already on her way) and my MIL to ask her to come over and take care of my wife. I packed a bag for my daughter and when my mom got there, we left. My wife didn't even look up. We dropped my daughter off with my dad and then went to urgent care for my nose. I got blood all over my mom's new Subaru. My daughter and I are staying with my parents for a while and my wife's staying with hers. I am looking into getting a restraining order against Jessie. My wife and I are separating. I love her but I won't live with someone who hurts me and who could potentially hurt our daughter. I am not going forward with a divorce yet, with the hopes that my wife will get the treatment she needs and we can work things out. My in-laws told me that they're looking at in-patient treatment at a local hospital. But I also have everything well documented in case of an eventual custody battle. My heart's broken because I know this isn't my wife, this is a sickness in her mind. But I need to keep myself and our daughter safe and give her the space to recover. I'm hoping that this is the right decision. Thanks again everyone. Edit: Thank you all for your feedback. I've talked to my parents after reading your comments and came to the conclusion that for my daughter's protection, I need to file a police report. I am headed to the station now. &nbsp; [**Do I let the woman I fault with my wife's death let her speak at her funeral?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pfumfn/do_i_let_the_woman_i_fault_with_my_wifes_death/) - 01/09/21 TL;DR: A woman fed lies to my wife, suffering from postpartum depression, that led to a mental breakdown and her death. She now wants to speak at my wife's funeral. Denying her would start trouble, which I'm not sure would be worth it. There's more context for this situation in my post history. My wife passed on early Monday morning. Convinced by her friend Jessie that I was having an affair that I did not have, she had a mental break, which resulted in my taking our infant daughter and staying with my parents for a while. She was with her parents, who planned on taking her to the hospital for in-patient treatment on Monday. On Sunday night she came to my parents' house and demanded I give her our daughter. Because she had left her alone for several hours the last time she was responsible for her and had gotten physical with me, I refused. I offered to let her come in and spend time with her while my parents and I were present, but she didn't want to come in and wanted to take our daughter with her. She was upset but left eventually. A few hours later, she drove her parents' car into a tree and died. The friend, Jessie, came to see my daughter and me yesterday. After some tears, she told me that she was planning to speak at my wife's funeral. She had already cleared it with my in-laws but was letting me know as a courtesy. I told her she would not be speaking at the funeral. We fought and she left after telling me that I was an asshole and not the only person who loved my wife. I talked to my in-laws who are adamant that Jessie be allowed to speak. She and my wife knew each other since they were kids and my in-laws are close to her. We're all very fragile right now and I fear that pushing this further would hurt my relationship with my in-laws, which I don't want. Still, the thought of seeing Jessie up there at my wife's funeral makes me feel sick. I don't think I can stand to listen to her, knowing that she took joy in my wife's deteriorating mental health and picked up my wife, leaving my daughter home alone. That being said, I don't trust myself to make the best decisions right now. My mind's clouded by grief, guilt, and fear. My parents are split on what to do and I don't have the energy to reach out to my friends. So I'm coming here again to ask for your advice. Thank you. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xwn9ln/my_wife_and_her_best_friend_accused_me_of_having/)

Hobby Drama lewosadebu • 1 year ago • 80%

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* Supernatural just ended its 15 year run. To catch up, you can read about the recent [Destiel love confession](https://www.reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/comments/jpuqdo/supernatural_how_destiel_made_everyone_on_tumblr/); [an actor who appeared in 4 episodes and harassed fans](https://www.reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/comments/j9aefn/tvfandom_how_one_actor_doxxed_and_assaulted_fans/); a [comprehensive writeup of the fandom in general, especially "tinhatting"](https://www.reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/comments/iywepl/supernatural_fandom_rise_of_the_supernatural/); more [general fandom drama](https://www.reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/comments/dr79su/tv_show_one_tenth_of_half_a_fraction_of_a_survey/); or [a racist Haiti AU fic](https://www.reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/comments/e41us7/fanfiction_the_supernatural_rpf_that_was_too/). Supernatural provided no shortage of drama. But if you don't want to read all those previous writeups, the summary for this one is: Over the course of the show's run, the fans were divided in to two groups. Group One were people who thought the show should be focused on the brothers, Dean and Sam (played by Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, respectively. Some shipped the brothers together. Group Two were people who thought Castiel (played by Misha Collins) should have a more prominent role and fuck Dean (ship name "Destiel"--you've heard of it). (Edit: There is, arguably, a third group of people who watched the show as a show, but I haven't actually met anyone who has). It became abundantly clear that The Powers That Be (writers, producers, Jensen and Jared) were in the former group (minus the "Wincest" shipping). They shunted Misha/Cas off for episodes at a time with flimsy excuses, tried to write him completely off in one season and then haphazardly brought him back after fan uproar, and hazed/bullied Misha on set (ex: Misha talked about how Jared would tickle his balls out of the cameraman's view so that it looked like Misha was messing up his lines, among other things). Misha said his final scene was his [now-infamous love confession](https://www.reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/comments/jpuqdo/supernatural_how_destiel_made_everyone_on_tumblr/), which many fans lovingly described as "embarrassing." After fifteen years of pent-up tension, Castiel finally gets the courage to confess his love to Dean--and Dean responds with facial expressions that were memeified as "trying not to say a slur" to "trying not to commit a hate crime." Then, after confessing his love, Castiel gets sucked away to supermegahell, never to be seen again! But fans knew that couldn't be his last scene...As one tumblr post said, "honestly it's quite impressive how supernatural, a show in which everybody dies &amp; no one stays dead, has managed to convince a huge chunk of people that one of its *leads* is not coming back for the ***finale"*** And it's true. Pretty much every character, major or minor, on SPN has died at least six times. Fans pulled out release photos, social media pics, and lines from interviews to prove without a shadow of a doubt that Castiel would be in the last episode--whether Destiel was made official or not. What *really* gave fans hope, though, is that actor Jensen Ackles said he felt "uneasy" about the ending: "And I just walked out of there kind of uneasy. I don’t know if it was just the fact that I just heard the ending of a show that had been going for 15 years and I’m just too close to it to really accept a finality to it." And since he's historically uneasy about Destiel, fans connected the dots: Destiel would be canon in the finale! So did we see Cas again? SPOILERS, obvs. Here's what happened in the finale: Sam and Dean are bored. After everything was literally resolved in the penultimate episode, the world is pretty peaceful. Cut to commercial. Finally, they find a hunt. Cut to commercial. They follow some leads. Cut to commercial. They fight the monsters. Dean gets impaled on, like, a nail on a barn column or something and with his dying breath he tells Sam he's proud of him and asks for permission to die. This takes, like, a full 15 minutes. Cut to commercial. There's a montage of Sam being sad and petting a dog. Cut to commercial. Dean goes to heaven, reunites with a loved one (not Cas) and drives around. Cut to commercial. Montage of Sam raising a kid and Dean driving around. Cut to commercial. Sam dies a natural death of old age. Cut to commercial. The brothers reunite in Heaven. Oh, and there was an emo version of Carry On, Wayward Son. Basically the episode was three montages in a trenchcoat, with the lead characters meeting anticlimactic ends. Dean Winchester dies of tetanus. Sam wears a powdered wig from a Halloween discount store to show the passage of time. Cas is mentioned twice throughout the episode, one line where Dean or Sam is like "I'm sad Cas is gone" and Sam or Dean is like "We have to move on and keep fighting" and one line that implies Cas escaped from supermegahell, somehow, but no more on that. The response: " Wow y’all got hate crimed harder than Sherlock fans did. I am very very sorry" "GAY RIGHTS TOOK A STEP BACK THIS FINALE SINGLEHANDEDLY REPEALED SAME SEX MARRIAGE" " that episode seemed like a love letter to Wincest shippers and a HUGE fuck you to destiel shippers ngl" " they really hated cas and misha so much that they spent the finale pandering to the fans who wanted the brothers to fuck" But even the Wincest shippers weren't happy, because the ending was boring and Dean's death was lame. But no one was more upset than Destiel shippers, who held out hope that Cas would return. So of course there's the angry hashtag: " you're right dabb, it WAS bold to end 12 years of queerbaiting with a bury your gays and then never mention your queer lead again, very bold !! [#cwspnisoverparty](https://twitter.com/hashtag/cwspnisoverparty?src=hashtag_click)" " The fact that Cas is trending because the whole fking world is raging about his pathetic excuse for an ending. He deserved so much better. [#cwspnisoverparty](https://twitter.com/hashtag/cwspnisoverparty?src=hashtag_click)" " SPAM REPORT CW_SPN AND GET THAT SHIT SUSPENDED PLEASE THAT'S ALL I WANT and trend [#cwspnisoverparty](https://twitter.com/hashtag/cwspnisoverparty?src=hashtag_click) BUT MOSTLY REPORT THAT ACCOUNT THERE'S NO BIGGER FUCK YOU THAN THAT PLS" And the angry tweets to the writer of the finale ep: " ANDREW DABB IS THE WORST FCKING THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO THIS SHOW AND DEAN WINCHESTER" " sweet boy..... god i am so sorry i will miss him so much i'm plotting my revenge on [@andrewdabb](https://twitter.com/andrewdabb) right fucking now. cas deserved better. cas deserved BETTER. [#Supernatural](https://twitter.com/hashtag/Supernatural?src=hashtag_click)" " The [#Supernatural](https://twitter.com/hashtag/Supernatural?src=hashtag_click)finale feels like an insult. Like [@cw_spn](https://twitter.com/cw_spn) and [@andrewdabb](https://twitter.com/andrewdabb) actually just kicked me in the chest and walked away laughing. What the HELL was that? " And of course it wouldn't be a disappointing queerbait finale if there weren't a Fake Episode conspiracy: " All I want to say is that I hope [@andrewdabb](https://twitter.com/andrewdabb) releases the original script, which I very much feel was more found family friendly, but that they couldn’t execute any longer due to COVID. The fandom deserves to see it. [#Supernatural](https://twitter.com/hashtag/Supernatural?src=hashtag_click)" And it turns out the most likely reason Jensen struggled with the ending is because Dean dies like a punk. *** EDIT: OK, let me clarify a few things: - "Homophobically gay" and "Jensen/Dean is about to commit a hate crime/say a slur" are popular memes describing the 15x18 confession and Destiel in general. Ill-phrased and insensitive phrasing perhaps, but pretty popular (and also accurate). - The remark about hazing/bullying: Misha has said that the pranking has crossed a line a few times, but the cast seems mostly friendly regardless. On the writing/producing side, his treatment seems unpleasant compared to Jared and Jensen's, but he seems fine with it and gets paid nicely. I don't want to fall down a rabbit hole of conjecture and conspiracy theorizing. If I find the specific interviews, I will provide them, but they are from a long, long time ago and there is a lot of SPN content. Like, a lot. The show's been on for 15 years. - A lot of people think the show is bad because it is bad, not just because Destiel didn't become canon. The plot, characters, and writing in general were messy as fuck from an objective standpoint, regardless of any personal stakes. - I forgot to mention that the finale monster of the week were vampire clowns or as the fandom calls them vampire Juggalos. - Link to one of the interviews where Misha talks about ball fondling: [https://youtu.be/8bwzaP3l_28](https://youtu.be/8bwzaP3l_28) - In my rush to post the writeup out I glossed over the non-shippy reasons why the episode was terrible and the fandom reactions, so here is an update: UPDATE It hasn’t even been 24 hours and Jim Beaver deactivated his tweet because of fans’ rage tweeting. Jim Beaver played Bobby, the boys’ surrogate father. He’s generally a fan favorite, but some fans flipped out because he returned for the finale but Cas didn’t: “y'all somehow managed to bring back jim beaver and mark pelegrino but misha was the one that couldn't make it bc of covid... the third fucking person on the call sheet. ofc he was the one y'all found to be expendable.” “You literally brought Jim Beaver who’s a person of RISK be there amongst other 80 people on a bridge NONE OF THEM WEARING MASKS and you’re telling me that you couldn’t bring Misha Collins???? naa im calling this homophobia…” “Like let’s not act as if Jim isn’t 70 years old that you placed there among the crew with no care and also the vamp chick from season 1 that NOBODY remembers... y’all just don’t like Misha Collins there, just say it” “the show brought back mark pellegrino, jake able, jim beaver, vampire #207 and etc but misha and shoshannah two pivotal and essential characters to sam and deans story and the show were just too much” He posted, “Thanks to all the kind people and thanks to all the unkind people. I’m deactivating my account. So long.” Steering away from the Destiel drama, tetanus, juggalo vampires, and wigs were also big stars of the night: “saw six people go "TETANUS?!" on the timeline and assumed bid*n caught it but its DEAN WINCHESTER????” “I’ve never seen supernatural but the person who said that dean never got his tetanus shot because he thinks vaccines turn you gay is the funniest person alive” “things Old Man Sam looks like: [https://couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name.tumblr.com/post/635275319674372096/things-old-man-sam-looks-like-an-english](https://couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name.tumblr.com/post/635275319674372096/things-old-man-sam-looks-like-an-english) *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/HobbyDrama/comments/jxi1i7/tv_a_homophobic_gay_legend_comes_to_an_end_or_how/)

I initially thought that this hardly warranted a phone call, until I remembered that my sons excursion was to the Grand Canyon...

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* **I am NOT OP. Original post by [u/liberalfilmnerd76](/u/liberalfilmnerd76) in [r/advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/advice)** *** &nbsp; [**I want to start calling my adoptive mom “mom” instead of her name**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/z8b2rr/i_want_to_start_calling_my_adoptive_mom_mom/) - 30 November 2022 My bio parents put me (15m) up for adoption when I was born so I was always in foster homes until I was twelve. I had a teacher Janice (33f) who was my home room teacher. Janice found out about me being a foster kid and how I wished I had a family. Janice had also been a foster kid growing up and so long story short she then became my foster mom and adopted me. Janice is the best mom I could have ever asked for. She has been so unbelievably kind and loving to me and I absolutely adore her. The problem is that I don’t call her mom, I just call her Janice. I want to start calling her mom but have no idea how to without making it awkward. Please help me internet strangers. **Update:** So….. was not expecting this big of a response. Thank all of you for responding and some of the ideas made me really tear up. Anyways this morning I went to Janice and I said “good morning mom” she just looked at me and started crying then came over and hugged me and kissed my forehead. I hugged her back and she said I could call her whatever made me comfortable and that she loves me more than anything. I just replied with “I love you mom”. So yeah hope this update makes someone’s day because it certainly made mine. Have a great day. Also made a typo I’m 15 not 16 lol &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zmt6w3/i_want_to_start_calling_my_adoptive_mom_mom/)

Hobby Drama lewosadebu • 1 year ago • 100%

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* **Background** Supernatural is a CW show about two brothers, Dean and Sam, running around fighting monsters and having a lot of angst and drama with each other. It was goofy some episodes, serious in others, and tried to tackle complicated issues within the episodes. It also featured two conventionally attractive white guys. So you can see why it got popular pretty fast. It got especially popular on Tumblr, which was the hotbed of all fandom discourse for the longest time on the internet. It was so popular on there, that it became one of the Big Three: Supernatural, Dr. Who, and Sherlock. It was one of the biggest shows on the entire internet, and it was very popular with teenage girls. **The Rise of Destiel** When it first came out, the shipping community of tumblr, a.k.a all of Tumblr, was kind of a mess, because there weren't many non-heterosexual ship options for them, as that's what Tumblr prefers over anything else. So the shippers made one of the first popular incest ships on the internet, Wincest, out of pure desperation. And if you weren't into Wincest, then you just didn't get a lot of room in that part of the fandom. [See Wincest in it's earliest forms on Fanfiction.net](https://www.fanfiction.net/tv/Supernatural/?&amp;srt=2&amp;r=10&amp;_c1=7578&amp;p=3326) [Wincest was in the many of the first fics in the Supernatural tag on Ao3](https://web.archive.org/web/20090922114244/http://archiveofourown.org/tags/Supernatural/works) Wincest was so big it was even referenced in the show, when Dean and Sam visit a Supernatural(the in-universe book series about their lives written by a man with prophetic visions) Convention and meet two gay lovers who cosplayed as them. Wincest was undethronable, until it was dethroned. When Season 4 premiered we were introduced to a new conventionally attractive white boy, Castiel. You see, Castiel was an angel who raised Dean from hell, making them basically soul-bonded forever. Even from the very beginning, he went on about how he and Dean has a special connection, and it really helped that Dean was way more popular than Sam on the show, despite Sam starting out as the main character. You can see the progression, Wincest was dead, long live Destiel. The fics flooded Ao3, which was now the dominant fanfic site, and each new one spawned ten more based on it. The fandom blazed past everything else, with the most popular fic [Twist and Shout](https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876/chapters/955188) reaching over 34,000 total kudos and 1,187,975 hits. The popularity of the Ship boosted the show into the stratosphere on Tumblr, who finally had their gay ship to drool over. Destiel became fandom canon. [One example of the many multi-gif posts made to glorify it](https://heritageposts.tumblr.com/post/634016550984237056/hazeldomain-thetwistedwillow) The show was peaking. Many girls I knew in middle school were *obsessed*, with the show and the pairing. Also me, I was also completely obsessed. I was very much in love. **The GayBaiting and The Fall** A lot of this section is directly ripped from this [2014 article](https://www.tvguide.com/news/supernatural-queerbaiting-destiel-1089286/), so please give it a read for more context. The showrunners noticed, how could they not? They also noticed if they played upon the idea that Dean could be a lil' gay, let the show reference Castiel being so in love with him, and use a lot of romcom tropes, and *maybe* TELL THE ACTOR FOR CASTIEL (MISHA COLLINS) TO PLAY CAS LIKE A "JILTED LOVER" WITH DEAN, then they could drive the fandom into a frothing mess. Queerbaiting was born on the back of this show. Queerbaiting refers to when a show teases a gay relationship for clout but never confirms it so they can have deniability. Supernatural proves that if you want a show to be popular, going to the gays never fails. Again, and Again, and AGAIN, the show teased the atmosphere between them. Just go back to the manips post and feel it. But as time went on, and the show continued, and nothing changed or got confirmed, people on tumblr started losing interest. Newer shows to queerbait with came out, real homosexual relationships started to happen. Voltron. The shows fandom started to repress their Supernatural days and move on, especially as supernatural started entering it's 12th season. A new era had begun... ... ....... **Season 15, episode 18** Season 15 was the last season of Supernatural ever, everyone looked upon this with relief, glad it was finally ending and the cast could move on. I actually started to pay attention to Supernatural in this season, out of pure interest for where it would go. The fandom made jokes about how funny it would be if they actually confirmed Destiel this season. Believe it or not, I actually thought it would happen because of Supernatural reaching the era of the Gays, 2020. And then, episode 18 aired on the 5th of November. And then, Castiel started giving a speech about Dean, while looking directly into his eyes, and then he says, I Love You. And then he gets dragged down to super mega ultra hell for experiencing a moment of true happiness. What I want you to do is visit this link, [https://www.tumblr.com/search/supernatural](https://www.tumblr.com/search/supernatural), or this one, [https://www.tumblr.com/search/destiel](https://www.tumblr.com/search/destiel), and scroll for a bit. Because there's no way I can possibly condense for you the pure mixture of hilarity and fucking insanity the entire website devolved into. I'll try but I seriously don't think a single writer could capture the wild west of Tumblr at this point. It started small, the Destiel tag was #9 on trending, every Supernatural blog in existence was reblogging and going crazy. And then people who had repressed their Supernatural memories noticed something was going on. And then popular blogs noticed what was going on. And then everyone on the entire website noticed something was going on. Tumblr refugees on Twitter noticed. Tumblr became a supernova. **The Fallout** [People were crying because it finally happened](https://starrynightdeancas.tumblr.com/post/634084175002124288/despite-all-the-drama-i-hope-misha-and-jensen) [People were making fun of them for immediately killing their gay character](https://imperiuswrecked.tumblr.com/post/634077544914763776/superhell-definition-a-fandom-word-that-means) [A lot](https://redhood.tk/post/634072741609406464/spn-writers-really-sent-castiel-straight-to-horny) [People made fun of Jensen Ackles for looking extremely constipated during the confession](https://eyesandangels.tumblr.com/post/634075957607694336/deans-not-homophobic-hes-just-nevada-speed-at) [A lot](https://twitter.com/cheesy_chuck69/status/1324654523567099905) [*A lot*](https://richardsikenpdf.tumblr.com/post/634002783922765824/i-know-theres-a-take-of-that-scene-where-dean) [**A Lot**]([https://eyesandangels.tumblr.com/post/634075957607694336/deans-not-homophobic-hes-just-nevada-speed-at](https://eyesandangels.tumblr.com/post/634075957607694336/deans-not-homophobic-hes-just-nevada-speed-at) [LMAO](https://laufeyson-loki.tumblr.com/post/634071599438577664/going-on-twitter-today-was-a-big-mistake) [They make fun of the confession scene a lot](https://r-eigen.tumblr.com/post/634084342787899392) [I mean come on it was pretty homophobic to kill off your fandom's beloved just after he confesses his love so that you don't have to explore a relationship](https://red-lever.tumblr.com/post/634061195761123328/vladimir-putin-look-out-destiel-are-behind-you) [Yeah...](https://that-twink-over-there.tumblr.com/post/634066550093152256/the-comments-on-youtube-videos-of-the-destiel) Blogs that hadn't posted in years reanimated. And on top of all of this, other shit was completely going down. Georgia and Pennsylvania flipped colors. A fake Putin rumor spread. Hetalia was coming back. Season 5 of Sherlock was coming back(another queerbaiting show). MHA Spoilers ::: spoiler show spoiler Dabi was confirmed to be Touya todoroki ::: [Here's a really funny video recapping some of the insanity](https://lovely-english-rose.tumblr.com/post/634091391167954944/what-a-week-huh) Tumblr rose from the dead to and everyone is still going stir-fucking crazy. This is 2014 tumblr recaptured in it's purest essence so please enjoy the shitshow while you can. Thanks Everyone *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/HobbyDrama/comments/jpuqdo/supernatural_how_destiel_made_everyone_on_tumblr/)

If I don’t find another way to start a campfire tonight, I’ll freeze to death.

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* **I am NOT OP. Original post by [u/throwawaydoc9817](/u/throwawaydoc9817) in [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest)** — [**I am leaving my wife tomorrow and I couldn’t be happier**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vsuq4o/i_am_leaving_my_wife_tomorrow_and_i_couldnt_be/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf) posted 1 day ago I (45m) and my wife (44f) have been married for 10 years. We dated for 6 years before that and I got a lot of pressure to get married from my parents, her parents, her… something in my gut said that this wasn’t right. I called it cold feet and did my best to ignore it. We got married. Pretty much the moment the ink was dry on our marriage license, things went south. On our honeymoon, she did nothing but complain I hadn’t booked a nicer hotel. In the following months she wanted a new apartment, a new car, gifts, jewelry, handbags. It was never enough. It’s like the moment she got the ring, it stopped being about me and became about what I could give her. I am a doctor. I make good money. Not good enough to support the kind of lifestyle she wants though. We don’t have sex anymore. We don’t laugh. We don’t talk about anything but money. We have no kids (she said she wanted them before marriage then changed her mind), our home looks like a showroom, there is no warmth or joy or even comfort here. I hate it. I hate her. I am a 45 year old physician and I have barely enough savings to sustain us for 3 months. I want to retire someday, I want to enjoy my life. I rented a cool apartment across town, in a “less desirable” neighborhood and there’s a stack of ikea furniture waiting for me to set it up there. The lease is up on the Mercedes my wife pushed me to lease next month and I will be replacing it with a used Prius. I’m starting therapy next week. I have a divorce attorney who has assured me that the prenup we signed before marriage means I won’t have to pay alimony. I hope to leave the higher-paying job that my wife insisted I take for something with less hours, sometime in the next year. I am going to ask out the pretty barista who flirts with me every morning. I’m telling her first thing tomorrow. I’m expecting her to cry and beg and demand we try therapy. I don’t want any of that. This was never right, and I’m only sorry it took me so long to realize it. I’m sorry I’ve wasted so much of my life being married to a woman because I thought it was the right thing. I am so excited. **Update (tried to post separately but it was taken down)** posted today First of all… damn. I didn’t expect the first post to blow up. I really was “getting it off my chest” and expected a few “good luck” comments and not much more. I know a lot of people were asking for an update so here goes: Usually when I wake up, I go for a run or a bike ride. While I’m gone my wife gets up, gets dressed, gets a smoothie going… whatever. This morning I paced the kitchen, rehearsing what I had to tell her over and over again. When she finally came down, I felt oddly calm? I wasn’t expecting to be panicked exactly, but apprehensive at least? I told her I needed to speak to her. She gave me an “uh huh” and didn’t look up from the coffee machine. Then I just came out with it. I told her I was leaving and that I wanted a divorce. That we hadn’t been happy in a long time and I felt as though she didn’t care about me or my emotional needs. Pretty much instantly, the gaslighting began. She cried that I never get her flowers anymore, that I don’t do enough to support her, that *I don’t care if she’s happy*. I brought up the fact that I suggested therapy over a year ago and she agreed, but then made excuse after excuse not to go. I brought up the times she completely ignored the budget we worked on. I told her how it made me feel when she dismissed me when I tried to tell her how I was feeling. The crying escalated then, along with begging for a chance to make this right, to go to therapy, that she would be better. It went like I thought it would go, and I felt absolutely nothing. I don’t care anymore. Whatever I once felt for her is just dead and gone, and she might as well have been a second cousin sobbing about her marriage for all the connection I felt to it. Eventually I just got fed up and walked out. She has been blowing up my phone with calls and texts which range from angry to begging to threatening. I started getting calls from her mother and mine too but the end of the day. I spoke briefly to my mother and calmly explained that I was sorry she didn’t hear it from me, but my wife was sucking me dry financially and emotionally and I couldn’t do it anymore. She was surprisingly supportive. I’m currently in my new apartment. I unrolled the mattress-in-a-box and went to Walmart for sheets. I ate Thai takeout for dinner at the kitchen counter and watched a bit of Netflix on my computer. I have everything I need for the next few days. My wife is getting served tomorrow. I keep expecting the sadness to set in but it hasn’t. I feel like a thousand pounds are off my shoulders and suddenly my future is full of possibilities. I’m going to travel, I’m going to try new restaurants, I’m going to take a job that actually makes me happy and proud instead of rich. Much to the internet’s chagrin, I will ask out the barista, because despite unpopular opinion she is both age appropriate (it’s her family’s business) and I do have the interpersonal skills to recognize the difference between customer service and actual connection. Cheers, everyone. I’m going to have a beer and then take a walk around my new neighborhood. **Reminder- I am not the original poster.** **Note:** because a lot of people are commenting on “asking the barista out” thing, I will paste comment OP made about that: Alright, folks. I’ve gotten a lot of comments begging me not to ask out the barista as it’s her job to be nice to me. I didn’t really get into the relationship I have with her because I didn’t think it was relevant to the divorce, but here goes: I met her about a year ago. She’s 30. I don’t usually wear a wedding ring because my job requires me to scrub regularly. She actually asked me out (invited me to a food truck festival in town) a few months into knowing each other. I said I was married and she was embarrassed. Since then, we’ve had a bit of a running joke going where she asks me “so, still married?”. My current plan is to reply “not for long” and see what happens. I appreciate the internet’s apprehension (in truth I would probably say the same thing if I didn’t know the back story) but I promise I’m not a creep *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vu5bad/i_am_leaving_my_wife_tomorrow_and_i_couldnt_be/)

Hobby Drama lewosadebu • 1 year ago • 91%

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* I quite enjoyed writing and receiving feedback on my Halsey post, so I thought I'd do another post about a different fandom. This time, we're delving into the extremely chaotic Adam Driver standom. **PLEASE NOTE: SEVERAL COMMENTS, USERNAMES, ETC. ARE LINKED AND SCREENSHOTTED HERE FOR EVIDENCE'S SAKE. DO NOT HARASS ANYONE INVOLVED. DO NOT DOXX ANYONE OR ATTEMPT TO CHASE THEM DOWN.** **TL;DR:** The Adam Driver fandom is split down the middle. Things came to a head when a fan from one side of the fandom gave Adam a wooden carving of his dog and he called them out in a New Yorker article months later. It turned out the person who made the wood carving is associated with fans who are convinced he is divorced from (or in the process of divorcing) his wife after Adam had an affair with Daisy Ridley. Wank ensued. I'm going to start with the event and work backwards to the context. Let's start with the basics. # Basic Terminology: What is a Stan? Eminem's song ["Stan"](https://genius.com/Eminem-stan-lyrics) describes a so-called "stalker fan," someone who is obsessed with an artist to the point of shaping their entire life around them. The term gained some prominence on Livejournal gossip blog "Oh No They Didn't" to describe superfans of artists, actors, and celebrities. Currently, a "stan" is anyone who posts exclusively or semi-exclusively about a famous person, group, or band, and a "standom" is a fandom made up of stans. I've previously posted about Halsey stans; this post, however, is about Adam Driver stans. # Who is Adam Driver? You most likely know 36-year-old **Adam Driver** from his work in the Star Wars franchise as the fearsome [Kylo Ren](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Ben_Solo), son of Han Solo and Princess Leia Organa. (WARNING: Article may contain spoilers.) What you may not know about Adam is his strange backstory, his marriage to his wife **Joanne Tucker**, and his rich filmography outside of Star Wars. Born in California and raised in Indiana in a conservative family, Adam had dreams of leaving his small town of Mishawaka to become an actor. However, after 9/11, Adam, like many Americans, found himself swept up in the wave of patriotism that seized the USA, and he applied to become a Marine. [He served for three years at Camp Pendelton, California as a mortarman](https://usmc-mccs.org/articles/from-rifles-to-light-sabers-actor-adam-driver-discusses-his-time-in-the-marine-corps/) and speaks fondly about his time in the Corps, as well as the friends he made. He was later honorably discharged for breaking his collarbone in a mountain biking accident and watched with guilt as his friends went on to fight in the ongoing War on Terror in the Middle East. However, Adam was already reconsidering his career path during his service. A training exercise involving white phosphorous took a turn for the deadly, and [he recalls](https://www.rollingstone.com/tv/tv-news/the-accidental-success-of-adam-driver-236808/#ixzz3xv2DZq00): >I was like, ‘I’m going to smoke cigarettes and be an actor when I get out.’ Those were my two thoughts. I wanted to smoke cigarettes and be an actor. > After leaving the military, Adam, like many marines, had trouble adjusting to civilian life and puttered around the Midwest doing odd jobs. His second application to the acting school, Julliard, was accepted, and Adam dropped everything to move to New York City. During his education, he fell in love with acting and found its controlled release of emotions therapeutic. You can hear his TED talk about how acting helped him express himself and adjust to civilian life [here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCwwVjPNloY) He met his wife, Joanne, in his cohort. The two married in 2013 and went on to found **Arts in the Armed Forces**, or **AITAF:** a charity dedicated to bringing free, high-quality theater to military bases and to veterans's families. Adam is famously shy and reclusive. He and his wife successfully hid the fact that they had a son for *two years.* While he isn't rude to fans, coworkers, or industry professionals, Adam is defensive of his personal space and [reacts](https://i.pinimg.com/236x/11/31/46/1131466c74f71248256965721d732157.jpg?nii=t) [poorly](https://twitter.com/adamstvcker/status/1163107216641200128?s=20) to being candidly photographed in public. He does not have social media, giving fans very little opportunity to speak or interact with him. If you want to say hi to him at all, you either have to wait for a charity auction, camp out for a red carpet, or attend an AITAF event and hope that he's there in-person. So when Adam announced a Broadway run in 2019, fans were thrilled at the opportunity to finally meet their idol. # March-July 2019: "Burn This" ***Burn This*** is a somewhat obscure play by playwright Lanford Wilson. A Broadway revival was performed in 2019 with Keri Russel as the main character, Anna, and Adam as her love interest, Pale. The two begin a hasty love affair when Robbie, Pale's brother and Anna's roommate, dies suddenly in a boating accident and Pale comes by to collect Robbie's belongings. Robbie was gay, and the play takes place during the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s. The play isn't done often, partially because Pale is a challenging role: a fast-talking cokehead from New Jersey with violent mood swings. Pale is openly homophobic, yet spends the play trying to figure out how to mourn his brother. It takes skill to capture the subtlety in Wilson's writing and not downgrade Pale to a violent brute with no emotion. Adam originally played Pale during his tenure at Julliard and took on the role again for the Broadway revival. The play did so well that it was nominated for a Tony for Best Revival, and Adam was nominated for Best Actor in a Stage Play. # The "Burn This" Stage Door It's common among theater fans to wait at the stage door to greet the actors, get their programs signed, and even (if they're lucky) chat with their idols for a bit. Occasionally, the crowd is sparse, but stage doors for famous actors are usually heavily crowded, even mobbed. Security is often needed for the safety of the crowd and the performers. Tom Hiddleston, for example, had a huge crowd 5-6 people deep at its *thinnest* when I met him after *Betrayal* in 2019. Adam was no exception: **the** ***Burn This*** **stage door** usually had a moderate crowd after every show, and so the Hudson Theater was outfitted with several security guards and barricades, including a personal bodyguard for Adam himself. Early videos of the stage door show a small crowd, but as the play wore on, security measures became more intense. In spite of the crowd, the *Burn This* stage door was usually pleasant and calm. Adam exited the theater promptly after the show ended each night, and he was incredibly sweet and patient with fans outside of the stage door. Throughout almost all of spring, Adam patiently stopped to sign every single person's Playbill, shake hands, and say hi. On one memorable occasion, [he carried his dog, Moose, from the stage door to his car](https://sleemo.com/post/184531276912/radamdriver-adam-and-moose-serving-some-pure-and) before coming back to sign programs. Plenty of videos exist on Twitter, Tumblr, Youtube, and Reddit of peaceful interactions. From my own experience at the door, I can personally say he will slow down for fans and happily greet them if they are calm and polite. *If.* # June 2019: Someone Jumps The Stage Stage door interactions slowed down around May. I was fortunate enough to meet Adam at the stage door, as were many friends who went around May 4th; others, however, waited for Adam, only to be told he was not coming. This sort of lag is normal, especially in the middle of a play run that's showing 8 performances a week: the actors are usually tired and want nothing more than to go home and get some sleep. However, some fans were not satisfied. Some especially dedicated playgoers began staking out *all* entrance/exit points of the Hudson Theater. Sure enough, on days he didn't sign, Adam was leaving through the main entrance of the theater, accompanied by a small security detail. (Bear in mind that the main entrance =/= the stage door: the stage door was *behind* the theater and on an entirely separate street.) [A video was posted on Twitter in June 2019](https://imgur.com/a/jiA0PV4) of Adam leaving the main entrance of the Hudson Theater with his head down; in the background, you can hear a small crowd of people shouting after him. One woman gets right to the door of his car, but she is otherwise non-aggressive, and Adam gently turns her down before getting into the vehicle. Reactions to this post were brief and basically amounted to, "Hey what the fuck OP," but this was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to weird, out-of-touch fan behavior. Days later, [a strange Twitter thread emerged,](https://imgur.com/a/tedNxV6) detailing a drunk woman who had to be kicked out of the Hudson and *blocked from going near Adam* at the stage door. Details of the thread were corroborated by others who were either at the same show or friends with OP. The story goes like this: A woman got a little too tipsy on 17 dollar beers at the Hudson and sat through the entire show without incident. However, just after bows had ended and the actors had left, the woman stood up, made her way to the front of the stage, and *climbed up.* She then promptly made her way backstage, where she reportedly gave Keri Russel a huge fright before being escorted out by security. Once she was outside of the backstage area, the stage jumper persisted in trying to dodge security and get in front of Adam, insisting she was a "friend." Adam came out and signed as normal, not once paying attention to the screaming woman trying to dodge several security guards. Adam made his way home unscathed, and the stage jumper was never seen again. But somehow, this was not the incident that made the news. At this point, you may be wondering why this was not the most memorable incident of the *Burn This* stage door. How could Adam or Keri *not* talk about the drunk woman who suddenly appeared backstage? That's because the incident that *did* make the news has its roots deep in Adam Driver standom. Those roots dig into some very dark places. We have arrived at the most famous incident at the *Burn This* stage door: the dog carving. # Summer 2019: The Dog Carving In the summer, an Adam Driver stan by the username **Missus-Misanthrope** waited at the stage door with a special gift for Adam Driver: a **wood carving** of his beloved dog, Moose. I have seen a picture of the (supposed) carving, but to maintain Missus-Misanthrope's privacy, I will not be posting a screenshot here. Essentially, it's a small, flat block of wood with Moose's smiling face woodburned into it. I am not a fan of Missus-Misanthrope (or her kin in our fandom) by any means, but it is *extremely* well-done. When Adam made his way to her at the stage door, Missus-Misanthrope greeted him and handed him the carving. [A GIF of this interaction is here.](https://imgur.com/a/401jKzt) At the beginning of the GIF, Adam is looking down, presumably at the wood carving. He nods at it and thanks Missus-Misanthrope with a smile. He turns hands it off to his security team. There is a long pause where he appears to be either waiting for his security team or examining the carving. Finally, he turns back to Missus-Misanthrope without making eye contact and continues signing Playbills. His expression is neutral. Let me be abundantly clear: this exact GIF is *impossible* to find. This write-up took a while, partially because I was looking all over for the damn thing. It has been *scrubbed* from the Internet. The original Imgur post is set to "private." Accounts have been erased, posts have been either deleted or archived, and Twitters have been suspended, deactivated, or moved. It took over a week of me asking everyone I knew, combing individual Twitters by date, and abusing the Wayback Machine before someone eventually found it and sent it to me. Missus-Misanthrope wanted this GIF gone from the Internet. *This* was the interaction Adam Driver remembered from his stage door. *This* interaction would become infamous months later, in October, when it came up during an interview. # October 2019: The New Yorker Article During the *Burn This* run, author Michael Schumer interviewed Adam Driver for the *New Yorker.* The article was released in October 2019 and can be found [here](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2019/10/28/adam-driver-the-original-man). I highly recommend it: it's a stunning interview, capturing a lot of the nuances of Adam's personality as he goes about his pre-show ritual. However, this interview made waves because of Adam's off-hand comment about fan interactions at the stage door (emphasis mine): >On the couch was a piece of fan art he had received at the stage door. During “Girls,” strangers would often share details about their sex lives with him. (One guy stopped him in the subway and said, “I love that scene where you pee on her in the shower,” then turned to his girlfriend and said, fondly, “I pee on her all the time.”) But “Star Wars” has made him uncomfortably famous. **“This one woman who has been harassing my wife came to the show and gave me a creepy wood carving that she made of my dog,” he said.** > The stage jumper, the fans pursuing him at all doors into and out of the Hudson, seemed to fade away in comparison to this ten seconds of stage door history. Adam mentions the "creepy wood carving," and it is never touched upon again. But that one sentence sent stans into *fits*. Some began gleefully sharing the original GIF of the interaction; others laughed at Missus-Misanthrope or [showed her pity](https://imgur.com/a/6cQmvzw). Still more questioned whether or not it was appropriate to give Adam a portrait of his dog at all: even though Adam has featured Moose in photoshoots, stage door interactions, and [even a news interview,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvZZyolTF4g) opinions are mixed about how much fans are allowed to comment on his personal life. The wood carving of Moose seemed to toe that line in an uncomfortable way and ignited heated discussion on what behavior was "allowed" and "not allowed." But there is a short passage just after Adam's comment about the wood carving that hints at the dark heart of this scandal: >He and Tucker have a young son, whose birth they kept hidden from the press for two years, in what Driver called “a military operation.” Last fall, after Tucker’s sister, who was launching a peacoat business, accidentally made her Instagram account public and someone noticed the back of his son’s head in one picture, the news wound up on Page Six. > Under what circumstances would Adam and Joanne have to hide a child for *two years?* Recall that Adam was not just scandalized by the wood carving (emphasis mine): >“This **one woman who has been harassing my wife** came to the show and gave me a creepy wood carving that she made of my dog." > No, something about Missus-Misanthrope herself had made him deeply uncomfortable. The wood carving wasn't the whole of the issue: it was something about how the fandom had treated his wife and the news of their child. Here was where the real drama about this tiny wood carving lied. # Daiver Fandom and adamdriverfans Missus-Misanthrope was part of a subreddit called "**adamdriverfans**." Not to be confused with the main Adam Driver subreddit, "adamdriver," adamdriverfans is incredibly small (only about 3000 subscribers) and, on the surface, appears to be a normal subreddit about Adam and his work. **EDIT:** It's 3,000 subcribers, not 300. Missed a zero! However, probe deeper, and adamdriverfans reveals its true nature. The subreddit is, in part, a haven for discussion between **Daivers,** or people that "ship" Adam Driver and Daisy Ridley and want them to be in a relationship. ("Ship" is short for "relationship.") Daivers are not to be confused with "Reylos," Star Wars fans who want Adam and Daisy's respective characters, Kylo Ren and Rey, to date. Daivers go one step further and want the *actors* to be together. Any Daivers found on adamdriverfans are the most extreme iteration of this kind of 'shipper: they believe that [Adam and Daisy had an affair](https://imgur.com/a/93UVD1y), followed by a falling-out somewhere around *The Force Awakens,* and that Lucasfilm (and their respective publicists) have been keeping them separate. This line of thinking also posits that Joanne is an ice queen keeping Adam on a short leash. This is not to say that all posters on adamdriverfans are Daivers; many want what's best for Adam and see it as their right to comment on Adam's personal life. But it's challenging to separate posts from true-blue Daivers, posts from those who think Adam and Daisy had an affair, and posts from users who simply hate Joanne Tucker. In my opinion, it's *impossible* to go near the subreddit unless you believe, on some level, that Joanne and Adam should separate, and that Daisy is a factor in that separation. Multiple posts exist [trashing Joanne Tucker](https://www.reddit.com/r/adamdriverfans/comments/engi0r/adam_driver_and_jts_perfect_marriage_is_jt_a/) and questioning whether or not the baby is Adam's. Someone doxxed Adam and Joanne and discovered multiple residences, fueling speculation on whether or not they were "secretly" divorced or otherwise separated. There is ["evidence"](https://web.archive.org/web/20200111185556/https://www.reddit.com/r/adamdriverfans/comments/emgv93/i_know_this_is_old_but_im_new_here_trying_to/) that their marriage is a sham or otherwise a marriage of convenience. Supporters of Joanne and Adam's marriage and critiques of the subreddit are considered ["blind" mean girls](https://www.reddit.com/r/adamdriverfans/comments/ak2zxk/who_has_met_adam_driver_andor_joanne_tucker/efr3z04?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3) ignoring the truth and looking for someone to bully. In reality, the fans on adamdriverfans are hostile towards non-members: One poster even [called other women "creepy" for asking to shake Adam's hand at the stage door.](https://imgur.com/a/C0jjh6E) Still another post implies [that fans who don't believe the rumors are waiting for their chance to sleep with Adam.](https://web.archive.org/web/20200111185416/https://www.reddit.com/r/adamdriverfans/comments/eln8eu/why_are_the_stans_hypocritical_serious_question_i/) For its part, [the mods of adamdriverfans posit the subreddit as a place for healthy discussion](https://web.archive.org/web/20200111185642/https://www.reddit.com/r/adamdriverfans/comments/drn00d/please_read_this_before_posting_or_commenting/). Other stans treat adamdriverfans as a joke, leading the mods to be mostly hostile to those questioning the constant dunking on Adam and his wife. Dissenters have even been [speculated to be PR people](https://www.reddit.com/r/adamdriverfans/comments/ak2zxk/who_has_met_adam_driver_andor_joanne_tucker/egcf583?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3) deflecting any discussion of Joanne and Adam's relationship in the hopes of saving *Burn This'*s ticket sales: >4Chan is full of PR people trying to shut down discussion by posting outrageous, disprovable claims in an effort to discredit all info about Joanne. You are a threat because you have a credible story. > >This is why Burn This is selling slowly. There are tickets available for every single night and whole parts of the theatre are empty on some nights. Joanne is a PR disaster. They can’t even call on their friends and connections to help fill the seats > It's worthy of note that the Daiver and anti-Joanne communities extends into TikTok and other social media: for example, there is an *entire Instagram account* called ["ihatejoannetucker](https://www.instagram.com/ihatejoannetucker/)" dedicated to posting personal photos and making fun of Joanne. Here, I focus on adamdriverfans because it was the main vehicle for Missus-Misanthrope to post her thoughts and feelings. # MissusMisanthrope's Backstory Missus-Misanthrope had been recognized by Adam for a reason: [she had already tried to pass a carving (speculated to be the very same dog carving given in 2019) to Adam via Joanne at an AITAF donor event in 2018.](https://www.reddit.com/r/adamdriverfans/comments/ak2zxk/who_has_met_adam_driver_andor_joanne_tucker/) Bear in mind that AITAF events are primarily for celebrating veterans and bringing accessible theater to them and their families. They are *not* fan events for Adam Driver. However, Missus-Misanthrope saw her opportunity to interact with Adam when she saw Joanne and a friend at the bar (bolding for emphasis by me): >I am an artist and had two gifts that I wanted to try to get to Adam. One was an anniversary plaque for AITAF, **the other was a portrait of his dog**. When I saw Joanne, I thought she would be the perfect person to help me accomplish this. > >From the second I approached her, she made me feel like garbage. I was polite, I thanked her for her work with AITAF. When I said that I had gifts for Adam, she asked me if I was a veteran. When I said no, she narrowed her eyes at me and asked me "how did you get IN HERE?" as though she suspected that I had... snuck in? > >"I donated money that was very hard to come by and purchased a ticket" I responded. > >She chuckled smugly and said "oh... you're a DONOR. No. I can't help you." > >I was taken aback... I was not sure that I heard her correctly. "You can't do anything? If I give them to you can you..." > >"No" > >Then she turned to the woman she was with and said "Lindsay, this... DONOR has PRESENTS for ADAM." > >Then they both just... laughed? Like how could I EVER think that they would let me give my STUPID presents to ADAM. > Missus-Misanthrope continued describing feelings of hurt, dismissal, and betrayal. >I felt like they both viewed me like I was NOTHING. > >I have never felt like such a freaking idiot in my life. > >So... that was something. I almost cried. Went into the situation really admiring Joanne. Left the situation feeling really disillusioned and crappy and like I did something wrong. It sucked to look forward to that event so much and work hard to overcome anxiety to travel to NY alone and have some awful crap like that happen. > She implies that, had Adam not commented his gratitude towards donors later on in the event, she would not have felt appreciated or seen (emphasis mine): >Adam was very vocal about his appreciation of the donors to AITAF so at least **I didn't feel like complete useless trash.** > >I hope she isn't treating a lot of donors like this. **This could really make some people look at AITAF in a different light if she is the only person they interact with.** > A later comment in the same thread underlines feelings of betrayal (emphasis mine): >I have played it over and over in my head and **I literally didn't do anything wrong**. I mean, even if I had, she is a grown woman... why was she laughing at me? I felt like I was in a freaking nightmare. > >Her behavior was so ugly and childish. If she is doing this to people, they NEED to speak up. I don't know why anyone feels like they need to protect her if she is really treating people this way. This type of behavior coming from her can impact the reputation of Adam and AITAF. > >**I am going to be sending an official complaint to AITAF about my experience.** It was just so, so not okay. > By the time Missus-Misanthrope attended the stage door in 2019, she had already publicly expressed dislike of Joanne and became a valued member of adamdriverfans. And Adam, whether through his wife or through other incidents at other AITAF events, knew full well who she was. # October 2019: Your Friendly Neighborhood Pariah Fans elsewhere quickly identified the "creepy wood carving" girl as Missus-Misanthrope. **EDIT:** I've been informed that it was not fans, but *Missus-Misanthrope's husband,* who identified her. Her husband left an angry comment (now deleted) on the author's Twitter. adamdriverfans, predictably, went absolutely apeshit. The article was deemed to be ["angry"](https://www.reddit.com/r/adamdriverfans/comments/dkyjkp/this_interview_is_so/) and vengeful towards fans like Missus-Misanthrope for no reason. A poster deemed calling Missus-Misanthrope out in the article "classless." There was worry that Missus-Misanthrope was now in danger due to Adam's comment: >This fan has NOTHING. Who is going to protect her from the onslaught of Adam’s rabid fans and even the media who will likely try and track her down? > Other members of adamdriverfans said that Adam was well within his right to say something: >People are taking this way too personally. The fact is, there are a lot of Adam Driver "fans" out there who have been too creepy, taken things too far, and done gross stuff like deliberately scribble his wife out of photos they took together. Are those fans in the minority? Yeah, I'm positive of that. > >But he has every right to his opinion and every right to express boundaries like any other person out there. I'm not even a huge fan of the dude and I get where he's coming from, regardless of how awkwardly he puts it. > >He doesn't owe anybody anything. No one is entitled to him being 24/7 super nice and positive and not mentioning stuff like this. > Those who side with Missus-Misanthrope say that [Adam was targeting Missus-Misanthrope on purpose](https://www.reddit.com/r/adamdriverfans/comments/dlcvhz/how_many_of_you_are_disappointed_after_the/): >My issue with the article was not that Adam expressed being creeped out by a fan/defending his wife. My issue is that he targeted someone specific. This fan had been having issues with AD and giving him this specific woodcarving for a YEAR now. I believe that this specific fan was mentioned on purpose. I don’t believe in coincidences. > But what about Missus-Misanthrope? Well...she didn't feel good, to put it lightly. In a statement to the subreddit entitled ["Your Friendly Neighborhood Pariah,"](https://www.reddit.com/r/adamdriverfans/comments/b487cc/your_friendly_neighborhood_pariah/) Missus-Misanthrope defended her behavior at the 2018 AITAF event: >I simply approached her in a common area of the theatre because I was advised by AITAF staff that I could talk to her about handing my gifts for AITAF and Adam off to someone who was able to help. Had I not been told that she was someone who could help me after the AITAF folks said that I should "definitely try to get the gifts to Adam" because "he will love them" I would not have even spoken to her. > >All I was trying to do was give something to someone that I admire and to a foundation that I support. I wasn't trying to break up a marriage or be manipulative. I was following advice from people who work for AITAF and it ended up turning into a very unpleasant situation. > Regarding the stage door interaction, Missus-Misanthrope felt attacked and exhausted: >Less than 24 hours later, I was being attacked and insulted for basically just existing in the same place as Adam. I now just wish I had never gone. > >This fandom makes me sad and a little bit sick. I am going to just continue existing as I have been in the past. I am just doing my best. If people hate me, I doubt that I can change that. I have no control over what anyone does but my own self. So I am just going to focus on being a decent person and treating others with kindness. > The mods on adamdriverfans followed up with a [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/adamdriverfans/comments/dloq0d/a_message_from_the_mods_and_missuemisanthrope/) on Missus-Misanthrope: >Here at this sub we have had the pleasure and privilege of knowing MissusMisanthrope and we have seen firsthand how brave she has been in the face of so much bullying and harassment – all because she had spoken about incident with Joanne Tucker and for daring to give Adam Driver a gift. What happened yesterday though is on an entirely different level altogether. What has happened to MissusMisanthrope feels like a horror story of the worst possible outcome of being a fan of a celebrity: > >**Bullied by the celebrity’s wife and staff.** > >**Bullied and doxed by fans of the celebrity.** > >**Finally, being bullied by the celebrity himself.** > But curiously, according to adamdriverfans, Adam had pointed out *the wrong fan:* >The absolutely tragedy of this situation is (and I can not state this enough) is that he singled out the wrong person. Again, HE SINGLED OUT THE WRONG PERSON. There is another person who actively harassed JT and her family on social media (the infamous StalkerChan) but, let’s be absolutely clear about this, that wasn’t MissusMisanthrope. > This meant that there was a mysterious *other* fan behaving inappropriately, and that Adam had mistaken Missus-Misanthrope for the other fan. Regardless of the error, the dice had been cast, and the votes were in: Adam Driver hated his fans, and Missus-Misanthrope was, indeed, a fandom pariah. # Aftermath: Exodus, Post Purging, and the Downward Spiral to Doucheville I want to emphasize how challenging it was to dig up receipts for this post. That's because, shortly after the article broke, Missus-Misanthrope deleted all of her social media, and adamdriverfans began deleting older posts. When I began compiling evidence in September 2020, many old posts, tweets, etc. were completely gone. The GIF of the infamous stage door interaction had been almost completely wiped from the Internet: the original post on Imgur is private. Shortly after the New Yorker article, Adam opened an Omaze charity campaign: By donating money to AITAF, [you would be entered into a raffle to attend The Rise of Skywalker premiere with him.](https://www.omaze.com/products/adam-driver-star-wars) However, Adam had [previously voiced his distaste](https://www.vulture.com/2018/11/adam-driver-in-conversation.html) for peddling his autograph for money: >I don’t want to start getting into favors. It’s not about me and *Star Wars*. It’s about the people that we’re trying to serve and if you don’t get that then I’d rather not be associated with your money. > As a result, [this Omaze campaign was met with negative reactions](https://imgur.com/a/5BlIcYI) from those who sided with Missus-Misanthrope, with the general opinion that Adam was now a "sellout," a slave to his wife's desires to "save" AITAF from bad press. Many questioned if the Omaze campaign was an effort to repair relationships with fans after the Missus-Misanthrope scandal. Others questioned whether Adam was on a downward spiral in general, linking his "sellout" behavior to his weight loss and (supposed) fighting with Joanne. Either way, one comment seemed to sum up the drama nicely: >It seems he is on a downward spiral to Doucheville. > Many announced that they were leaving the fandom after the Omaze campaign and after the New Yorker article. However, given the proximity to the mass exodus from the Star Wars fandom after *The Rise of Skywalker* hit theaters in December, it is unclear how much of the Adam standom exodus is Star Wars related and how much is Missus-Misanthrope related. Regardless of the opinions of those on adamdriverfans, the Omaze campaign was a success. A veteran (coincidentally named Joanna) won and met Adam. [A fan-run campaign started after The Rise of Skywalker](https://www.gofundme.com/f/bensoloslegacy) raised a whopping *90,000 dollars* for AITAF, funding their 2020 fiscal year and landing a [personal thank-you from Adam himself](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2KdXkiFqqY). Needless to say, bad press from Missus-Misanthrope's interactions with Adam and Joanne did not stick. It is unknown whether or not Adam will do another Broadway run in the future. **EDIT:** I'm super overwhelmed and delighted by the positive reception to this post. Thank you so, so much for the great discussion and for reading this (and for giving it awards!). If you're spending money to give me awards, it would be stellar if you could give that money to [BLM instead.](https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019) *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/HobbyDrama/comments/ji50tz/adam_driver_standom_adam_driver_makes_fun_of_a/)

I suppose I should be flattered my husband still finds me attractive after all these years.

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* I am not OOP. This was originally posted by [u/One-Fudge3629](/u/One-Fudge3629) on [r/JUSTNOMIL](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL). — [ORIGINAL POST](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/u9m2p0/mil_gifted_me_laser_tattoo_removal_for_my/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf) Just found this subreddit and HAD to share this story. My husband (43m) and I (31f) have been married for 3 years, together for 6. Obviously there is an age gap between my husband and I, which has never been an issue for us. My MIL however, has always greatly disapproved and likes to talk to me like I am a rebellious teenager instead of her son’s life partner. A big issue for her is the fact that I have tattoos. I love all my tattoos, they are well done and a huge part of my identity. I can’t imagine myself without them and my husband loves how they look on me. MIL made a few comments while we were dating but my husband told her privately to drop it. 3 years ago, my husband and I hosted our families for my birthday dinner. It was our first big get-together after getting married and everyone was nice enough to bring me a gift. I was going to open them after everyone left but MiL handed me an envelope at the dinner table and insisted I open it immediately. Inside was a card and a gift certificate to a local tattoo removal business for $500. I was confused and asked her what this was for. She said that since I was a married woman now and planning to have kids, she assumed I would want my tattoos removed. Both my husband and I were kind of taken aback and stunned. I half heartedly thanked her and the party continued. Later, my husband called her and told her off. He insisted she take it back and get her money back. She absolutely refused and insisted I would want it someday. 3 years later, her $500 is sitting in my kitchen junk drawer and I’ve added 3 more tattoos to the collection haha [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/u9m2p0/mil_gifted_me_laser_tattoo_removal_for_my/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf): Thank you so much for all the great suggestions on what to do with the gift certificate. I actually have a friend who is the director of a restorative justice organization. I asked her if she had any clients with hate symbols they would like removed and it turns out she works with a guy who has a swastika on his arm that he hides every day because he is so ashamed. This is particularly significant and powerful for me because I’m Jewish. Anyway, I am dropping it off today and I’m really pleased that something that started as a disrespectful slight from my mother in law turned into this. Thank you Reddit! *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/utb24d/oop_is_gifted_laser_tattoo_removal_by_her/)

Hobby Drama lewosadebu • 1 year ago • 100%

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* This is a really old piece of drama, but I only discovered it recently after getting into Anna Rudolf’s Twitch channel (note: I don't think this breaks the rules because she wasn't a Twitch streamer at the time, and she's still primarily a chess analyst). Warning: I don’t play a lot of chess, I’ve never followed chess competitively, and when this happened the only thing I really cared about in life was Webkinz. Even so, it’s pretty clear that this was screwed up. Anna Rudolf is a Hungarian chess player. At the time this happened, in 2007, she was 20 years old. Since then she’s become an International Master, a Woman Grandmaster, and a member of the Hungarian Olympic Chess Team. She no longer plays competitively, but instead works as a commentator and analyst, and since the pandemic has been streaming through Twitch (her channel is [here](https://www.twitch.tv/anna_chess) if you’re curious). If you were a Soothouse fan (RIP), you might recognise her from [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dW08GoJfdLQ) video. This took place at the Vandeouvre Open, whose current website calls them the “Biggest Chess Tournament in France”. At the tournament in 2007 there were 100 players, with the highest ranking being a chess grandmaster named Christian Bauer. Anna had a ranking of 2293 at the time, and was not yet ranked as a master. Chess uses a ranking system where points are added or taken away based on games won while supervised. To achieve a higher ranking you need to have a point total within that range (for example, at the time Christian Bauer had a ranking of 2634, which made him a grandmaster since it is in the range of 2500-2700). So tournaments are an opportunity for chess players to move up and down the ranking, and have the opportunity to play those similarly ranked or higher ranked then they are. Anna came into the tournament extremely strong. She was not expected to do particularly well, so there was a lot of surprise when she won her first four games in a row. Her second game, and the one that caused all the controversy, was against Christian Bauer. This caused a lot of talk about how she could have done so well, and some players began to suspect cheating. It should be noted here that the normal way that people cheat in chess is through using a computer to calculate what the optimal next move will be. As supercomputers became more refined through time, and the Internet has made it easy to communicate their suggestions to chess players on site, concerns have arisen among high level players that any competitor could have a supercomputer. Another important note is that Christian Bauer himself did not believe that Anna cheated. During the game and directly after the game it didn’t even occur to him. Afterwards he heard other players suggest it, and did briefly consider that it might be a “very unlikely” possibility. But then a friend of his used a supercomputer to prove that Anna’s moves did not line up with what a computer would have suggested, and that caused him to switch back to the “Anna did nothing wrong” side. He also said in later interviews that he made an error late in the game that Anna exploited perfectly, explaining how she won against someone with a much higher ranking. This is in line with what basically every other member of the chess community believes. While several people gossiped about her cheating during the tournament, one competitor, a Latvian named Oleg Krivonosov, wanted to make actual allegations. He was dismissed by his fellow chess players because his claim had no evidence and no logical basis. But he did not stop to listen to common sense. Krivonosov was hellbent on the idea of Anna cheating, so he rounded up fellow Latvians Oleg Lazarev and Ilmars Starostits to brainstorm with him. The next day, they went back to the competition and claimed that they knew exactly how she was cheating. And what was their airtight hypothesis? Well, during her competitor’s moves Anna would get up and walk around, go to the bathroom, and apply her lip balm. “Aha!” they must have crowed triumphantly, “Her lip balm is the supercomputer!” Yeah, really. To be fair, they did not literally think that she had disguised a 2007 supercomputer as a tube of lip balm. They thought that the tube was using the internet to receive signals from a nearby supercomputer, which she then used to make her next move. Which, considering the properties of both 2007 technology and of lip balm tubes, is basically just as preposterous. Incredibly, they were not laughed out of the country. In fact, Anna went on to play two of them. The first, Lazarev, ended in a draw. Even with the accusation of cheating, Anna was doing pretty well. The second Latvian she played, Starostits, went out of his way to make sure that she knew that he “knew” that she was cheating. He refused to shake hands, asked the arbiter to take away her bag (which the arbiter did, for some reason), and also got her banned from using her lip balm or from leaving the hall during the tournament. A large part of chess playing is psychological. When you feel good and you’re doing good, you’re more likely to win or win again. Anna had been doing well all tournament, and presumably feeling on top of the world. This, alongside Bauer’s mistake, is the explanation most people give for her winning streak. On the other hand, being publicly called a cheater, having your opponent refuse to shake hands, and then being treated like a criminal by the supposedly-objective arbiter, has about the opposite effect. Anna went on to lose that game, although it was a pretty even match to the end. It also turns out that Starostits, aside from faulty logic and a strong sense of justice against twenty-year-olds who use lip balm, had a good motive to try and throw Anna off. If she had taken a draw in that game she could have finished in the top three. Starostits needed a win. If that was his strategy, it worked. Starostits went on to take second. Thankfully, Anna also had somewhat of a happy ending in the rankings. She went on to take ninth place (she was expected to land around twenty-second), which allowed her to qualify for International Master and Woman Grandmaster. In the aftermath, basically everyone sided with Anna. She left her last match crying, and many of her competitors went out of their way to comfort her. During the prize-giving ceremony, the president of the Vandeouvre club made a point to clear her name, telling everyone that she was just the victim of an amoral play. The crowd supposedly clapped for her for five minutes straight. Krisonov, her original accuser, still could not let go of the belief that she was cheating. He promised to show up at the next tournament they both attended, Capelle-La-Grande, and accuse her again. If he did make these accusations they were dismissed out of hand, as no record of them shows up online. The arbiters at Vandeouvre caught a fair amount of flack for their whole part in this. There was absolutely no evidence of her cheating at the time, and the arbiter either ignored internal protocols about how to deal with accusations of cheating (which are meant to prevent exactly what happened, a false accusation throwing a winning player off of their game), or the tournament simply didn’t have any. False rumours swirled around online afterwards. Anna herself didn’t really comment on it, but her supporters found themselves having to clarify that most players she played were not ranked much higher than herself, and that her only incredibly high ranked competitor admitted to making a mistake that lost him the match. For better or for worse, that weekend still influences her legacy. Anna continued playing for many more years, but that particular tournament is seen as one of the highlights of her competitive play. And the “scandal” is one of the first things to come up when you search for her online. From what I could find, the incident is still occasionally brought up in general discussions of chess today, mostly in regards to two concepts: cheating with technology, and feminism. Anna was a young, attractive woman in a field that is generally seen as male-dominated. Most of the rationale of her accusers was “he couldn’t lose to her”, and in an interview done by the Atlantic in 2019, she noted that a lot of the comments she received were very explicitly along the lines of “he couldn’t lose to a woman.” The other chessplayer she was being interviewed with (Judit Polgar) noted that there were many times when male chessplayers did not believe her results because they did not believe that she could be that good, and that female chessplayers need to have a “strong character” to carry on. She called the experience a “teaching from life of how unfair [chess] can be”. Even with the attempts in the last few years to promote women within male dominated fields, only two of the top one hundred chess players are women. In just 2015, one of the top English chess players, Nigel Short, claimed that men are just better at things like “chess” and “parking” than women, and later criticised his detractors as “shrill feminists”. Men tend to play chess more than women, and women tend to do worse playing competitively against men than [they would playing against women](https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2017/01/what-a-game-of-chess-can-tell-us-about-the-gender-gap). As technology becomes smaller, the fear of chessplayers cheating becomes larger. In 2007, Christian Bauer said that he thought there was no worry of “cheating paranoia”. This actually seems to be mostly accurate. In the thirteen years since, there have been a few large cheating scandals. None of them (from what I can see), however, have triggered any sort of witch hunt or disproportionate rule changes. While the situation with Anna stands out as what chess paranoia could lead to if unchecked, it does not seem to be any kind of herald of the future. That’s pretty much the drama. If you’re a chess person and notice something I got wrong please let me know and I’ll edit it in. *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/HobbyDrama/comments/iyj0s1/competitive_chess_that_time_a_female_chess_player/)

“Sorry ma’am, children only” they said, as they continue loading up the last lifeboat on the ship.

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5oa42v/dog_ate_my_neighbors_drone_am_i_liable_il/) by [u/DeadDrone999](/u/DeadDrone999) in [r/legaladvice](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice) Not sure what to do. Earlier today my neighbor came pounding on my door screaming obscenities and shouting at me. When I finally got him to stop yelling I found out that he was flying his drone in my backyard again and this time my dog finally managed to catch it and destroy it. He claims this was a $900 drone and I had to pay him right then and there. I refused and closed the door in his face. A couple hours later police showed up to retrieve the drone; it was still in my yard, but my dog completely ignored it once it stopped buzzing; and ask about the situation. The said neighbor called them stating that I refused him access to my yard to get it. That's not true, he never asked. I'm worried the neighbor will try to press charges against me for destruction of property or sue me. Will he have any legal standing if this does go to court? He has a history of flying his drone low over my yard to tease my dog. I have asked him to stop several times, which he always refuses telling me that I don't own the air above my yard. I have called the police to complain once before, he was doing "fly bys" over my dog and getting very close to hitting him. The police didn't say he couldn't fly it in my yard but did ask him to stop doing so in order to avoid conflict. That only seemed to egg him on. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5wgevt/update_dog_ate_neighbors_drone/) A small update to my neighbor flying his drone in my backyard and attacking my dog: I was served a summons by a Sheriff's Deputy, neighbor decided to take me to Small Claims over his drone. My MIL is a paralegal secretary, so I was able to get a free consultation with a lawyer where she works to ask some questions about what to bring and how to prepare. He seemed genuinely amused that my neighbor was even trying to sue. He also suggested I counter sue and how I could possibly add in more damages. He also told me that my neighbor and I technically live within 5 miles of an airport, and even though it doesn't have a tower technically that falls under FAA regulations. I called the hotline from google and spoke to them about my neighbor's hobby of flying out of line of sight, flying several thousand feet in the air, flying near an airport and made an inquiry into if he was registered to fly drones, saying he owned two very large drones (he already bought a new one, this one is almost 5' across). I don't know the weight of his, but it definitely is at least a few pounds. They took my information and have called me back once, so I know they're investigating but don't know anything else. Not sure if they'll tell me anything anyways. I brought both police reports to court, as well as several photos of my backyard, photos of our shared 8' high privacy fence, medical bills for my dog, and a few short videos I had of him doing fly bys over my dog in the past. His main argument to the judge was that I "maliciously installed a table to allow my dog to jump high enough to catch his drone, which I (somehow) trained him to do". Which, yes I had recently bought a new picnic table, but only so I have somewhere to sit and eat outside. I argued that his flying was causing my dog anxiety and that's what provoked it, and thanks to y'alls advice, that my dog could have potentially died from ingesting part of the drone or if the drone hit him. In the end, he now has to pay me just under $2,000 for various vet bills (xrays, dental exams, sedation, medication etc). He is also banned from flying over my property, and I installed trail cams front and back yards just in case. He seems pretty upset with me, so I wanted to be careful. The only thing that could make this better is if the FAA finds a reason to fine him or take away his drones. Editor's note: Found this [dog tax](https://m.imgur.com/a/ZnLZn) while going through [OOP's comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/5wi64w/comment/deacybu/). # Reminder: I am not the original OP. *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/v6zinz/oops_dog_ate_her_neighbours_drone_neighbour_takes/)

Hobby Drama lewosadebu • 1 year ago • 100%

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* **Introduction** Most people floating around the fandom areas of the Internet have probably heard of Warrior Cats. [This](https://old.reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/comments/er9ckl/warrior_cats_map_community_the_rise_and_fall_of/) past post about some of the franchise's drama does a fantastic job of explaining how the series and its fandom work, but I'll provide another summary for those of you who don't enjoy clicking links. Warrior Cats (or simply "Warriors" depending on where you live) is a nearly two-decade old children's fantasy series about "Clans" of dozens of wild cats who live according to a code of honor. Originally just a single six-book plot, its success spawned countless sequels, prequels, and standalone stories. There are over 80 books in the series now, including six full main story arcs of six books each—and they're not slowing down any time soon, with five more books releasing just this year and the seventh arc currently underway. The series was created by author Victoria Holmes, while the books themselves are ghostwritten by two other authors, all collectively sold under the pen name "Erin Hunter." Plots in these books typically revolve around bloody battles between the different Clans, mystical prophecies received from the spirits of cats who have died (known as StarClan), and, of course, mountains upon mountains of romantic drama and love triangles. To quote the other post: "Are the books any good? Well… no, but that’s irrelevant." Some of them *are* quite good, but most are mediocre at best—and in any case, it's not the *books* per se that draw in legions of twelve year-old fans. The world *Warriors* created has generated a massive online fandom of kids, teens, and young adults earnestly designing their own cats and entire fan-made Clans for the sake of fanfiction, roleplay, fanart, and more. **Ashfur: The Origin** In 2007, while writing the draft for Warriors's third main story arc, Vicky Holmes had one thing in mind: *Ashfur*. This third arc, titled "Power of Three," was about a trio of cats—siblings—who each possessed a superpower that they were destined to use to save the Clans. But that was only window dressing for Vicky's true goal. It was no secret that she had... a fondness, shall we say, for tragic scenes *dripping* with drama, and she'd had one of these in mind ever since beginning to brainstorm PoT's plot: A mother's children are threatened, and the only way she can save them is to reveal the shocking truth: *They are not hers*. From this one kernel of drama came everything else. And so Power of Three, a story about young cats with superpowers, was entirely structured around a scene unrelated to that idea. At the end of book five, a fire breaks out in the forest, and our three heroes are trapped by the flames. Their mother, Squirrelflight, tries to clear a path for them to escape, but her way is blocked by Ashfur—a cat who was a rival for her romantic affections in the *previous* story arc, in which Squirrelflight was a main character, before she chose her fellow protagonist Brambleclaw as her mate. The scene that follows is widely considered the most recognizable and iconic moment in Warrior Cats, featured in countless pieces of fan art and animated videos: Surrounded by the fire, his eyes aglow with hatred and madness, Ashfur raves about how he's *never* forgiven Squirrelflight for being "faithless" to him. In a speech rivaling General Hux from *The Force Awakens* for its intensity and anger, he echoes incels worldwide and recounts just how badly he's been wronged because this woman wouldn't go on a date with him. He utters the infamous line: “*Upset?* I’m not *upset*. You have no idea how much pain I’m in. It’s like being cut open every day, bleeding onto the stones. I can’t understand how any of you failed to see the blood. . . .” He even reveals that he secretly helped the villain of the previous arc attempt to murder Squirrelflight's father, just as he's now going to let her children burn to death—all to get revenge for being turned down. I've already spoiled what happens next: Squirrelflight, to save the protagonists' lives, reveals to Ashfur that they are *not*, in fact, her children. Her motherhood was a deception, and not even Brambleclaw knows that he is not their father. She does not tell Ashfur who their true parents are, but what she's already said is enough—Ashfur now has a new path for his revenge. He's going to publicly reveal to all the Clans that Squirrelflight lied, destroying her standing and humiliating her. It is eventually revealed, in the sixth and final book of PoT, that the trio's true mother was Squirrelflight's sister Leafpool, who as a Clan "medicine cat" (essentially a faith doctor) was forbidden to bear children, hence the lie. Ashfur is killed by one of the protagonists, but the full details of the secret are still revealed to all the Clans, shaming both Squirrelflight and Leafpool. We now skip ahead to book 4 of the following story arc. One of our protagonists visits StarClan (the cat heaven) in a vision, and notices Ashfur present among them. Shocked, they ask another StarClan cat—a wise mentor figure—why Ashfur was allowed into StarClan, instead of being sent to the Dark Forest, the cat hell, for his crimes and attempted murders. Serenely, speaking with Vicky Holmes's full intent, the mentor figure replies: "*His only crime was to love too much.*" **Ashfur: The Fandom** It is impossible to overstate just how big of a deal Ashfur became in the Warriors fandom for years to come. Now, naturally, in a series with hundreds of named characters and plenty of other drama-filled stories to go around, the fandom had lots of things to talk about... but Ashfur was constantly near the top of the list. It'll come as no surprise to anyone who's spent time in a fandom with lots of young teenagers that there was a large movement viewing Ashfur as... "Misunderstood." He became practically *idolized* by lots of young fans—particularly young *female* fans—as a symbol of romantic tragedy. Contrasting this were fans who, rightfully, wondered what the hell Vicky was thinking when she wrote that line about "loving too much" and pointed out that Ashfur was both a misogynist and a murderer... etc, etc, etc. The Ashfur wars raged for years across every fandom platform—Tumblr, Youtube, forum boards—spurred on in large part by two factors. The first is easy: Kids don't really have a good perspective of what a healthy relationship looks like. Trying to murder a woman's children because you want her *that badly*... can seem beautiful, in a twisted way. And it helps when the books themselves end up confirming this interpretation for you. The second factor is a phenomenon that affects nearly every aspect of the Warriors fandom: A lot of fans... don't really *read* the books. Remember, the books themselves aren't the draw! The *world* is the draw. Kids want to make their own unique cats with names like Darknesstalon and Furyscythe (those names definitely *wouldn't* fit into the world of the books, if it's unclear). They don't care what happened in some new *book* that released this year. For a lot of people, the world of Warriors is a purely creative one—and a lot of kids actually found their way into the fandom solely through fan content, without ever touching an actual book. So when your whole knowledge of Ashfur is based on fan animation videos that show off the *tears* in his *eyes* as he *pleaded* with Squirrelflight to love him back— You get the picture. **Working Partners** Around 2013, following the conclusion of the fourth arc, Vicky Holmes passed on her torch. Though she still retains some involvement with the series, the books' plots are now created by a team of writers called Working Partners, while still being ghostwritten by the same two authors from before. WP's involvement with the fifth arc onwards has produced a number of changes in the writing and decisions made about how to handle characters, some negative, some positive. This brings us to the seventh and current story arc, "The Broken Code," which began releasing in spring 2019. In writing this arc, the new team by all appearances took note of a number of common fan complaints about the series that had existed for years. This included a number of questions about the series's status quo that the books themselves typically ignore, such as "Why do the cats arbitrarily segregate themselves into different Clans when they all have the same culture and almost always have to unite to fend off outside threats?", "Why aren't medicine cats allowed to have children, that's a stupid and unnecessary rule?", or "Why do none of the characters seem to notice or care that their leaders always promote their relatives to positions of power?" (This last one is of course because characters in positions of power are almost always protagonists, and protagonists usually end up being relatives of other protagonists.) Every indication from TBC so far is that questions like these will be addressed in the series itself, possibly ending with lasting systemic change for the Clans. Even more than any of those questions, the new team became aware of one particular fan complaint: *Ashfur*. By now the Warriors fandom had been around long enough to become somewhat more mature—though Ashfur stans still existed, the general consensus was totally aware that he was an outright villain who was in no way a dreamy misunderstood boyfriend. And so the time came that Working Partners, in planning out The Broken Code, had a brilliant idea: *Make Ashfur the villain*. Bring him back, as a sinister Big Bad for the seventh arc, and satisfy the fandom by showing once and for all that he's not some relatable lovestruck sadboi. More than that, *retcon* his placement in StarClan as a *trick* all along—Ashfur *lied* his way into heaven and has been plotting his revenge ever since. "But, wait, isn't he... dead?" you ask, confused. Yes, but this is Warrior Cats, and death is kinda irrelevant. The entire plot of the fourth arc was about evil dead cats returning to fight a final battle and getting *killed again*, this time for good. If the new team could come up with a convincing way to make Ashfur insert himself back into the plot as a spirit, there would be nothing stopping them from reusing him. This would have made shockwaves among the fandom no matter what, but the discourse was set into motion even before the release of TBC's first book. Kate Cary, one of the series's two ghostwriters, confirmed on her blog that a "controversial character" would be returning for arc 7. She gave no details beyond that, but most fans assumed this meant a villain, and speculation began. Could it be this character? Or this one? Or what about this other one...? And Ashfur's name, of course, came up a lot. And then the rumor started. *Ashfur*. Leaked to the fandom from an unknown source came the whispers that it was Ashfur—it was Ashfur *big time*. Ashfur, the rumor said, was going to possess and take over the body of a living character and wreak havoc. Plenty of people believed it. Plenty of other people likewise dismissed it—the writers would never do something like *that*. Heh. **The Broken Code** The first book of The Broken Code released in April 2019 and kicked things off with a bang. StarClan has gone totally silent for unknown reasons and isn't communicating prophecies and wisdom to the living cats like they normally do. Over the course of the book, one of our new young cat protagonists is spoken to by a mysterious unseen spirit. You see, Squirrelflight's mate Brambleclaw—now the leader of his Clan and named Bramblestar—is ill, and this spirit knows how to cure him. Acting on its instructions, the protagonist convinces all the cats to bury Bramblestar in snow to bring his fever down. He dies. Then he comes back to life! All the characters cheer. Bramblestar shakily gets up... looks around... and then walks over to Squirrelflight. "Greetings," he says in a deep voice. "It's good to be with you again." *Heh*. The book ends with another one of the protagonists on a walk through a totally different part of the forest, when he suddenly encounters... Bramblestar?? But it's a *ghost*. The ghost-Bramblestar runs towards him, yelling "Help! Please help!" The protagonist flees in terror. The atmosphere of the scene is excitingly *horror*-esque in a way that no Warriors book before has been. Things only escalate in books 2 and 3, with each passing book amping up both the intense ominous feeling of the story and the chilling menace of the living "Bramblestar's" actions. In book 2, "Bramblestar" spends all his time with Squirrelflight, creepily fawning over her and insisting she approve all her actions with him. At the same time, he uses his position as the respected leader of a Clan to push for aggressive punishment for cats who commit minor infractions. He argues that he knows why StarClan has gone silent—it's because the Clans aren't obeying their Code strictly enough. In book 3 he pushes the other Clans to join him in a war against the cats that refuse to bow to his new regime, a war that ends near book 3's conclusion with him beaten and captured by the heroes and their allies. As this goes on, the fandom starts to realize something. The impostor pretending to be Bramblestar... is an *incredible* villain. His writing hits notes of darkly intimidating behavior rarely seen in this mediocre kids' series, whether it's publicly threatening other cats for disobeying him, trying to murder a protagonist in the dark of night, or even—in one scene—privately gloating to one of the protagonists about how successful his plan to fool everyone has been. And all of this contrasts beautifully with the other side of his personality that emerges whenever Squirrelflight's name comes up: an obsessive, unhealthy, *pathetic* interest in her. He makes dumb mistakes and is easily tricked whenever another character leads him to believe he might get to spend more time with her. He drops everything and forgets all his other priorities if she's involved. He's a *simp*. And the two styles of behavior blend perfectly in the scenes where his *true* personality comes out—when Squirrelflight begins to push him away, knowing that something is wrong, he becomes violent and brutal, verbally abusing her and at one point bodily throwing her off a small ledge. It's a thorough, shockingly cold and real portrayal of a man obsessed with *owning* a woman. In a children's fantasy book about anthropomorphized cats. Of course, most of the fandom knew it was Ashfur. The rumors and leaks helped, but even from the first book of the arc it was obvious. His main goal being "habe sex w/ Squireflit" is more than enough to prove that, but there were other hints too. In book 1, a protagonist has a vision of the cats' territory being suddenly set aflame—and of flakes of *ash* falling into his *fur*. (Yes, the book uses those words.) In book 2, the impostor references specific past events that Ashfur would be overly concerned with, and is clueless as to significant events that happened shortly after Ashfur's death. In book 3, in the scene where the "horror" vibe peaks, the impostor's spirit emerges temporarily from Bramblestar's body and menacingly threatens a protagonist—and though its appearance is smoky and indistinct, the protagonist can see its eyes are a bright blue, just like Ashfur's. That book (which released earlier this year) ends with the impostor captured and Squirrelflight about to announce to all the cats that she believes she knows who he really is—but by that time the cover of book *5* had already been revealed. [This](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/warriors/images/7/7f/TBC-5.png/revision/latest?cb=20200521205447) is the cover, and [this](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/warriors/images/3/33/Ashfur.PO3-5-RR.png/revision/latest?cb=20181127182347) is official artwork of Ashfur. **Ashfur: The Fandom, Redux** I hope you were all anticipating this last part, because our story wouldn't be complete without it. Despite all the hints above and more I didn't mention... the fandom, as always, had diehard holdouts who refused to believe it was Ashfur at all costs. Thus did the last 1.5 years in the fan community become a strange rebirth of Ashfur wars, with many of the same elements of the original ones. Because, you see, one of the chief arguments the Ashfur deniers used was that *Ashfur would never do these things*. He would never try to murder other cats. He would never wreak havoc and turn the Clans against themselves. He would never hurt Squirrelflight like that! I assume I don't need to provide counter-arguments. Other arguments came from a variety of places. Some fans, as always, clearly had no idea what was actually going on in the current books, and were arguing from a place of ignorance. Some latched onto theories that the impostor was instead whoever their personal favorite villain was. Some argued that, while Ashfur was evil and murderous, he would never take the actions that the impostor had and try to manipulate all of the Clans, because he *only* cared about Squirrelflight. These people were essentially in denial, since anyone who follows the news knows that men can do absolutely *horrific* things to unrelated people when acting on anger about being rejected. At one point I encountered a post suggesting that Mothwing—a still-living, female, *non-blue-eyed* ***atheist***—was the impostor and that all the Ashfur theories were ignoring the obvious truth... though it was probably a troll. Even when the book 5 cover was revealed, the holdouts for the most part insisted there was no *proof* that the cat on the cover was Ashfur and not another cat with a similar appearance. And when all else failed, they had one argument they could always fall back on: It doesn't matter whether it *is* Ashfur, it matters whether it *should* be Ashfur. Ashfur coming back as a villain, they argued, would be a *stupid* twist. It would ruin the story and there was no hope of the books being good if it really was him. Massive positive fan response to TBC and adoration for its new characters tended to disagree. **The Reveal** And now we come to the close. With book 3 having ended on a cliffhanger like that, most fans eagerly began the wait for the release of book 4 this November. While it seemed like Squirrelflight was seconds away from saying Ashfur's name, most fans were hesitant to assume that would happen. After all, this is Warriors, a series famous for its meandering plot and refusal to let characters actually *figure out* the mysteries before the last book of an arc. Everyone prepared to be disappointed when they opened book 4 and found Squirrelflight saying "I know who the impostor is... but I can't tell you yet!!" Nope! A couple weeks ago, a small preview of the book was released online. In chapter 1, Squirrelflight says "It's Ashfur." In chapter 2, the characters trick Ashfur into saying "Yes, I am Ashfur" to Squirrelflight—complete with two fantastic villain monologues, one where he talks about his lust for her, and one where he rages at the other characters that he still has more plans and they haven't beaten him yet. With any luck, the remaining three books of the arc are going to be *fantastic*, and all because teen girls in 2010 had the hots for an angsty murdering incel wHosE oNLy CriMe WaS tO LoVe ToO mUcH. **TLDR: Woman writes children's fantasy cat books where a man tries to burn a woman's children alive because she wouldn't go out with him. Online fandom argues for years over whether he was actually evil or just a sexy misunderstood bad boy. New writing team takes over cat books a decade later, sees online controversy, and decides to bring the character back as a villain again, leading to fantastic books with chilling villain scenes and transforming the incel into one of the best-written characters in the series.** *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/HobbyDrama/comments/ixgvmp/warrior_cats_how_a_decade_of_teen_obsession_with/)

I knew it to be true because mirrors don't lie.

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* **I am not OP.** Posted by [u/throwramotherwdid](/u/throwramotherwdid) on [r/relationship_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice) &nbsp; [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qbybwq/my_29f_parents_ghosted_me_5_years_ago_after_my/) *- October 20, 2021* TLDR; I'm married to my former boss. Parents did not take the marriage as well as I'd hoped and ignored me for 5 years, only to reach out when they saw a 5th anniversary facebook post that mentioned our kids. Do I let them back in, or do I ignore them? My husband (30m) used to be my boss. About 9 years ago I started working as his assistant. We spent about 2.5 years ignoring our mutual attraction until we gave in. We then went to HR, who reassigned me, and the whole thing was strictly above board from the time we began dating. I got pregnant about a year later, and my husband and I decided to just get married. While we'd only really been dating for about 1.5 years, we knew each other completely, loved each other, lived together, and there was a baby on the way. We knew how it would look, but I had to leave the company anyway due to problems with my new boss, so we didn't anticipate this causing any issues, except with my parents. They (62m/57f) have always been overprotective, so I knew they wouldn't like me dating my boss, and hadn't told them, but I had to tell them if I wanted them at my wedding. We decided to be mostly honest with them, about how it was strictly professional until it wasn't, how the second it got unprofessional we went to HR, how he had never taken advantage of me, but now we wanted to get married and we wanted them there. We did not mention the baby, because I felt that giving them that information in addition to the rest all at once would just break them. I was only about 4 months along when the wedding happened, so the bump was easily hidden by a flowy dress. The wedding itself went off without a hitch, and apart from my mother pulling me into the bathroom shortly before the ceremony to ask if I was sure about this, which I said I was, my parents seemed to take it well. The ceremony and reception were at 2 different venues, and we had to travel from one to the other, and my parents never arrived at the reception. I called them and got ignored, and then my brother called them and they told him that they were going home. I don't remember the exact reason they gave but it amounted to them being tired and uncomfortable. I tried contacting them after the wedding, but found that I was blocked on everything except email, which I used to send them a long letter essentially saying that I'm an adult who made an adult choice and I hope they can respect that. 5 years later, I have not heard from my parents since my wedding. My husband and I are not big on social media in general but I recently posted something for our 5th anniversary in which I mentioned our 2 kids and third on the way. Within a month of making this post, my parents left a voicemail saying they saw the post, and, having had no idea that they had grandchildren previously, now want to meet them. I haven't responded and there have been a few follow ups since then asking why I haven't. I don't know what to do, but my gut instinct is that 5 years is too long, and it's about the kids, not about them respecting my choices or relationship. However, I can't help but feel that I'm being unfair, and my brother agrees, because I told them in my email that if they could learn to respect my choice and my marriage eventually, then we could talk, and now I'm retroactively applying a time limit. Edit: can't find a way to work this in organically but my husband is not white. I am, as are my parents. I don't think this is a race thing or that my parents are racist, and neither does my husband, and we don't understand why they would want to meet our mixed race children if they were racist, but this element is still gnawing at me. Should I reach out to them? If I did, how would we go about rebuilding the relationship? &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qdfsx0/update_i_29f_spoke_to_my_parents_who_ghosted_me_5/) *- October 22, 2021* TLDR; They're racists. I asked to talk yesterday. We were on zoom within an hour. It was my parents and me and my husband. They asked to see the kids, and I said they could see them eventually, dependant on them earning our trust and convincing us they were going to be positive additions to the kids' lives. They asked to start by reading me a letter that they claimed to have written on my wedding day. It said that they were uncomfortable with me marrying my former boss as they thought he took advantage of me, so they left between the wedding and reception to avoid a scene, but they wanted me to know they were here for me despite their issues with him. They added that they would have sent this to me the morning after my wedding, but then I sent my email about them needing to respect my choices, and they were so ashamed they couldn't bring themselves to send theirs. Seeing my anniversary post made them realise how much they've missed in 5 years and they really don't want to miss any more. I had some questions, like what the big deal was with me marrying my former boss, and they said that it just wasn't what they had in mind for my wedding day and my future spouse. I asked why they even came to the wedding at all if they didn't support the marriage, and my dad responded that he wanted to walk his daughter down the aisle as it was the only chance he'd get. The way it was phrased implied that they had intentionally only come to the wedding so he could give me away, and always planned to leave halfway, and because he said "my daughter", and didn't talk to me directly, it was pretty clear he was thinking about my older sister, who passed away. My husband caught that, too, and said that if they were talking about me, they should address me directly, then added that if they had planned to leave they should have told us as we wouldn't have invited them, and the fact they waited 5 years to reach out was going to take more reasons than shame as, as a father, he didn't understand how they could ignore their daughter for years, or only get back in touch when we had kids. My dad snapped that he wasn't going to take this from a "cushi", a slur meaning dark skinned. My mother immediately tried to run damage control but I ended the call. They have since messaged me several times trying to explain that calling my husband a racial slur wasn't indicative of a racist attitude, and he wouldn't have said that in front of the kids, so they should still get to meet them. I've spent 5 years wondering how they were so offended by me marrying my boss that it earned no contact for half a decade. Turns out they're just racist. It's almost nice to find out. If it was just the boss thing I would have sympathy for them and we might even be able to reconcile, but with this, it's now just a question of if I'm going to knowingly expose my mixed race children to a couple of racists, which I am obviously not going to do. *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8z737/my_29f_parents_ghosted_me_5_years_ago_after_my/)

Hobby Drama lewosadebu • 1 year ago • 95%

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* The story I am going to be telling you today involves a lot of jealousy, some drama and most importantly, lots of pettiness. I'm going to talk about the drama surrounding the infamous Vantablack, which, at the time, was the blackest substance in the world. It was created in 2014 by a nanotechnology lab to be used in engineering projects, particularly regarding space (it can help telescopes and cameras by absorbing stray light, among other things). [Here's](https://media.wired.com/photos/594b097127a2330247114d0e/master/w_2560%2Cc_limit/dsc00268jpg_galleryLarge.jpg) [some](https://media.wired.com/photos/594b09715bab2866f2f9348b/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/sns-full-4_galleryLarge.jpg) [pictures](https://www.bmw.com/content/dam/bmw/marketBMWCOM/bmw_com/categories/Design/vantablack/vb-03-media-hd.jpg?imwidth=1920) of how stuff painted with this substance actually looks like-- I promise you, it's not photoshop. This thing is actually pretty amazing, as it absorbs 99.965% of visible light. As you can guess, this substance was quite the discovery and it became quite rare not only due to its copyright but also due to its relative toxicity, or at the very least heavy duty usage. Naturally, the art world was gaga over it and wanted to be able to use it. However, it was not something available to the public, much less to the art world which I assume isn't the main interest of most scientists. That was, until a spray version of it called Vantablack S-VIS was licensed exclusively to Anish Kapoor in 2016. Who is that, you may add? He's a famous [indian sculptor](https://blogbibliotecacid.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/anish-kapoor-cloud-gate-2006-chicago-il.jpg) and artist. Did I also mention that he's one of the richest artists in the world? Well, his cash made it so that this spray paint was licensed for use exclusively for him and his studio. No one else could get it. And believe me, they tried, but they were quickly turned away by the company who made the product. Of course, everyone was quite angry at this. Artist all over the world were expressing their disappointment at this licensing. Christian Furr, a british artist commissioned to paint the Queen, called black "the dynamite of the art world" ([x](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3467507/Artists-war-sculptor-given-exclusive-rights-purest-black-paint-used-stealth-jets.html)) and that it was unfair for only one man to be able to use it. However, no one was angrier than british artist Stuart Semple. So angry in fact, that he retaliated by creating a paint himself named the World's Pinkest Pink, in which you're required to basically pinky promise that you're not Anish Kapoor, have nothing to do with him, or are not planning on buying it for him. [Here's a link to the store page](https://culturehustle.com/products/pink-50g-powdered-paint-by-stuart-semple) where you can clearly see the disclaimer, and [a video of him in his youtube channel explaining his reasoning](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3V3nDGrW1o). For those who don't want to click the link, it reads: >*Note: By adding this product to your cart you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated to Anish Kapoor, you are not purchasing this item on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this paint will not make its way into that hands of Anish Kapoor.&nbsp; > >#ShareTheBlack > That in itself it's pretty ballsy, as basically Kapoor is not someone to fuck with. So much so, museums and people who have worked with him declined to say anything about him in regards to the Vantablack license. Unfortunately, Semple's efforts were quite futile as Kapoor managed to get a hold of this paint and [posted a picture on instagram](https://www.lavanguardia.com/r/GODO/LV/p6/WebSite/2019/08/16/Recortada/img_xayen_20190815-201759_imagenes_lv_terceros_kapoor2-kt1B-NXH3L0ZKXO6DLT4O-992x558@LaVanguardia-Web.png) giving it the middle finger. Fear not, though! As Semple's pettiness was not yet defeated. He then came up with a very black acrylic paint, called Black 3.0 ([here's a picture of a piece painted with it](https://media.wired.com/photos/594b097e27a2330247114d10/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/BLACK2-8.jpg) and[the youtuber I was watching that actually inspired this post](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96n1YJMhjLo)). Not quite the blackest black in the world, but by Semple's own words: >**IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE: this is not the blackest black in the world. It is however a better black than the blackest black in the world as it is actually usable by artists.**&nbsp; > .... >*Except Anish Kapoor&nbsp;&nbsp; > At this point, Semple has many versions of his blackest black. A Black 2.0, named "The world’s mattest, flattest, black art material", which is second to Black 3.0 in terms of blackness (absorbs 96% of visible light); Black 3.0 mentioned above (absorbs 99% of visible light); a Black 1.0 in pigment form, called "The OG" or the legacy, and a Raven black that's part of a rainbow collection called Potion. Funny enough, this last one does NOT have a disclaimer against Kapoor! Instead it reads: >After 15 years of making his own paints, Stuart Semple has been able to formulate and release a new breed of acrylic paint. **For the first time his FULL RAINBOW palette is available to all artists\*** can share in these incredible colours. > >*\*YES all artists! It's time the miserable ones had a bit more colour in their life - Stuart wants to share the rainbow with them, he thinks they need it.* > I have yet to find any information about whether or not Kapoor himself cares about any of these other paints however. I don't know why he would when he holds the blackest paint already. I have also yet to find if he has commented anything else beyond that one instagram post. At first I thought this was fun and amicable banter... But at this point I think it's truly just a general dislike for the guy, or at least contempt at his attitude. In an interview Semple says: >“He’s got like 40,000 Instagram followers, doesn’t follow anybody back, doesn’t write back to anybody,” Semple says. “It’s the equivalent of walking into a house party and just shouting about yourself and not having a conversation with anybody. You’d look like an idiot.” > So yeah, it's pretty much not an amicable think. Nevertheless, the drama ends quite in the standstill, as Kapoor hasn't pronounced himself about this issue anymore and Semple has also moved on it seems. I can't really say who's the winner in this, but what I can say is that I LIVE for Semple's pettiness that continues until now, and I like his attitude. But that's just a personal opinion. E: [u/HellaHotLancelot](/u/HellaHotLancelot) has graciously shared with us [this post on tumblr](https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/9q5074/the_art_world_vs_anish_kapoor/) that kind of has a follow up and TLDR of this issue, as well as some memes back when saying you were going to go to these weird events on facebook was The Thing to do. I did not know about the glitter thing which I am DYING for. It's the drama that keeps on giving despite being 4 years old. *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/HobbyDrama/comments/iqh974/art_and_painting_the_fight_for_the_worlds/)

Imagine the betrayal I felt when a stitch slipped and a ray of light hit my eye for the first time.

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r4yz7n/my_boyfriend_doesnt_want_to_marry_me_because_im/) by [u/haicrii](/u/haicrii) I (29F) moved to the US 7 years ago as a grad school student from Indonesia. I met my boyfriend (30M) a few months after I moved and we've been together ever since. My boyfriend is a US citizen. After I graduated, we had a serious discussion about where our relationship was headed. I made it very clear that I wanted to eventually get married and have children. My bf echoed the sentiments. I remember asking him if he saw that happening with me because I didn't want to be in a relationship with no future. He told me he loved me, and that we were definitely headed in that direction. As of last week, we've been dating for 7 years. We've occasionally talked about marriage, but we were both busy with our respective careers, so the timing didn't seem quite right. However, recently my company announced that there's a chance that my department's work will be outsourced. I'm on an H1B visa (temporary worker), so this means that I need to start looking for a job ASAP if I want to continue staying in the US. Last week, during our anniversary, I brought this up. I asked him if he thought it was the right time to think about getting married, as that will also help with sorting out my visa issues. He looked like he was about to vomit. After much prodding, he confessed that he wasn't planning on us getting married before I was able to get a green card (permanent resident) in the US. I was incredibly confused because he'd never mentioned this before. His reason was that he didn't want to be used as a "visa mule" (his words, not mine) by me and that he wanted to make sure that I married him because I loved him and not because it was a ticket to getting to stay in the US, which can only happen when I get a GC. It took me a while to process what he said, and I asked him if he'd be okay to move to Indonesia with me, which he wasn't. I did not react well and ended up leaving because I couldn't deal with what just happened. ​I am still in disbelief. I started dating him because he was the kindest, most thoughtful, and generous man I'd met. I now feel like I wasted seven years. While the visa issues are certainly a problem, I did not date him with the intention of making him my safety net. I cannot believe that even after nearly a decade together, he doesn't know what kind of person I am. ​I feel like this relationship is possibly over and it hurts. It hurts so much. [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r8oofo/update_my_boyfriend_doesnt_want_to_marry_me/) A few days back I made a post about how my bf of 7 years didn't want to marry me because I was an immigrant on an H1B, and he didn't want to be a visa mule. I got a lot of wonderful comments and DMs (a few trolls too, but that's expected from Reddit haha). Because the thread got locked and the post was subsequently removed (because I have a low-karma account), I was unable to respond to anyone. I'm posting this update to do that, plus add in some more things that have transpired since. (TL;DR at the bottom) — Addressing some of the stuff in the comments - I've been on an H1B visa for a bit more than two years now. I was on STEM OPT for about three years after grad school. I had terrible luck with the H1B lottery and I got one in the last round I was eligible to apply in. - Getting PR in the US is NOT easy. I know people who've been here for 15+ years who are still waiting for their PR. - For those of you who DM'd me calling me a gold digger, you guys made me LOL. I am aware of the legalities around sponsoring a spouse for a PR, including the financial aspect. It shouldn't have been a problem for the following reasons: 1) I'm a STEM major who recently shifted into management. I work for a large company and I do quite well for myself. My boyfriend is a teacher and our incomes are not comparable (he earns around ~$60K, I earn close to ~$300K). 2) We've been living together for ~6 years. We have a shared account to pay for expenses like rent and utilities that we both deposit a percentage of our salary into. The rest of our money goes into our own private accounts and we don't manage each other's money. 3) Because I'm pretty frugal, I've saved up quite a bit of money in the form of savings + investments. If my boyfriend was worried about the legality of sponsoring me financially for 10+ years, I would have happily discussed moving the money around. I was even considering buying a house, so we could have made that a joint-ownership thing. The point is, we could have figured it out. I haven't relied on him financially ever, and I didn't intend on doing that in the future. 4) I might not have considered everything, but you have to note that I thought about the marriage-for-visa thing very recently, only when the threat of possibly having to leave loomed over me. This isn't something I'd thought about in detail at all. - Regarding my situation back home in Indonesia: I come from a very religious and conservative family and had a horrible childhood. My family doesn't support my career choices. I cut contact with my family when I moved to the US, so they are not in the picture at all. I was on great terms with bf's family - they loved me. — Now, for the actual update: He is now my ex-boyfriend I took a few days to collect myself and then reached out to him wanting to talk. He agreed. It turns out that he has been insecure about earning less than I did for a while. Apparently, his friends have been poking fun at our relationship, calling me the "sugar mommy" because I take care of most of the expenses. He never told me this until now. He apparently didn't feel like an equal because our pay differs so much, and started feeling that I was only with him as a quick way to get a PR here. I was speechless - I couldn't believe that his friends gaslighted him into doubting our relationship. I reminded him how he had supported me when I was in grad school, like getting me groceries when I had little money to spare, allowing me to stay with him rent-free in my last year of grad school to help me minimize expenses so I didn't have to take out a loan, letting me use his car when I was attending interviews. I told him that he did them because he loved me and me taking on the majority of household expenses (since I started working) is my way of paying him back for all the things he did for me back then. He said that he gets what I'm saying but also that he didn't expect me to start earning more than him straight off the bat. I asked if there was any chance he'd consider going to couple's therapy (like some of you had suggested) and he declined because he didn't think he was being unreasonable. He said that he wanted to be the "provider" in a relationship and that he didn't feel like one in ours, so there's no going back from this unless I quit my job and found another that paid substantially less, which isn't going to happen. Well, long story short, we broke up. His family is in disbelief (they were hoping that he would propose soon). I've moved into an airbnb for now. — A little bit of good news to end this update with: My company offered me a similar role in a different department. However, this is based out of France, and there's a small decrease in pay. I've always dreamed about living in Europe and I've accepted this offer. I've signed the relocation agreement, and I'll move there in the next 8-12 weeks. — TL;DR: Boyfriend was insecure about earning less than me. Boyfriend has now become ex-boyfriend. Company offered a new job in France. Leaving US in 2-3 months to start a new life in France. Allons-y! *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/r8q2x1/my_boyfriend_doesnt_want_to_marry_me_because_im/)

Hobby Drama lewosadebu • 1 year ago • 100%

*This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).* **Background:** Cross stitching is a hobby that I'm sure many of you are familiar with, but if you're not, it's the art of making tiny little crosses in fabric to create a pretty picture. Cross stitching has many different styles, from the [more traditional](https://imgur.com/a/VAYNC81) to [the less traditional](https://preview.redd.it/yup19ic62oa51.jpg?width=960&amp;crop=smart&amp;auto=webp&amp;s=175de5326efd0a36557ac37d9e08c6db648385a2). As with any crafting hobby, there tend to be multitudes of mini ongoing dramas (is DMC really the best thread maker around, it is rude to cross stitch swear words, is it cultural appropriation to stitch sugar skulls, is it disrespectful to stitch Jesus smoking a joint, why do metallic threads exist anyway), but this situation has blown up in the past few weeks and it's quite significant in terms of fallout, both monetarily and time-wise. **Heaven and Earth Designs (HAED)** One popular type of cross stitch is full coverage - that is, that you cannot see any of the fabric under the thread, there are no gaps. [These can get pretty intense.](https://i.redd.it/dxvfp1ehrrs11.jpg) In the cross-stitching world, HAED is the Ultimate Provider of Full Coverage Cross-Stitch designs. [Here's an example of one being stitched up.](https://preview.redd.it/4kcjvd1937v41.jpg?width=960&amp;crop=smart&amp;auto=webp&amp;s=b73d8cc431635e8ba6afc1ac2f8deb0befbd6ad0) They take *years* to create and are intense labours of love. The reason HAED is so popular is that they purchase a license to produce cross stitch charts of copyrighted artwork. Again, like in many other crafts, copyright breaking pattern designers run rampant and stitchers tend not to want to give those people their money. Additionally, the owner of HAED has in the past claimed that she hand charts her patterns herself, spending anywhere between 4-40 hours per chart - that sort of quality is invaluable in a world full of people making a quick buck by scanning a picture they found on google through a pattern converter software and flogging it on etsy. As they purchase a license for the art, HAED patterns get expensive. Kits cost around $200, and the cost inflates depending on what fabric you want to use and how many colours (and subsequently how many skeins of floss) you have to buy. Looking at one I was previously planning on purchasing, it would set me back about $400 total - plus the other tools that you'd use when stitching something this size. Not insignificant. **Floss, Chart Design and some Colour Theory** As I said above, DMC is widely considered to be the premier floss producer (maybe Anchor is you're European). Most kits come with DMC thread included, most independent charters will use DMC, they are by far the dominant force in embroidery circles. This is for good reason - their quality control is exceptional, they give a lovely finish, they feel nice to stitch with and they're available in all good craft stores. When you're stitching up a large piece, you use lots of different colours to give the piece depth, texture, and importantly, gradient. This means that while you may not know why you need [twelve different shades of blue](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/48/0b/e8/480be8d2b640d84e904550c8a226bcbe.jpg) for a small area, it turns out when you stitch it up the detail is fantastic. However, obviously DMC cannot create a colour for every conceivable colour in existence - currently, there are 500 options, which while a lot still means that when pattern makers create designs from existing art, there is some adjustment needed to be made. Back in 2018, DMC launched [35 new colours](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1906/2985/files/dmc-new-colors-2017-embroidery-floss-3.jpg?v=1517860414) to their range to fill in gaps where there currently isn't a good colour option, and to help with transition shades - this doesn't happen often, so it was a Big Deal. Crucially for this story, they introduced 08 and 09, Dark Driftwood and Very Dark Cocoa respectively. Browns are really useful in lots of designs, so these new colours were put to work immediately. Chart Design is...complicated (and I don't do it myself so bear with me). As I said above, the gold standard way to create a pattern is to create it by hand yourself. A more common (and still very effective) way is to run a picture or design through some conversion software, and then adjust the result after (more common when it's a full picture as opposed to text + flowers). Important to note that the software is quite sophisticated and will use the surrounding colours to determine the colour chosen, to ensure there is a nice consistent gradient between the colours. **Pattern Maker** When the 35 new colours were added, they were updated in the various common pattern making software. However, for one software there was an issue - the RGB values for 08 and 09 were updated wrong. So when you ran the picture through, it would think it had got it right but in fact it was not. This was quickly picked up by most pattern makers, who would manually change the RGB values in the software and merrily continue on. The pattern software producers also noticed the error and sent out an email explaining the error and instructing the users on how to fix it. However, as you can imagine (because this is a drama post) HAED did not, and continued to make patterns containing 08 and 09 for over two years when the result was a poor match. **The Drama** HAED has its own fans who are very quick to defend HAED and the owner. Some stitchers quickly noted the error with 08 and 09 (there's quite a popular app where you can mock up what the design will look like before stitching), and several people posted questions about why the mock-up was looking a bit dodgy - they were told that the issue was with the app. Someone posted in 2019 this [example of how 09 was fucking up their project](https://i.imgur.com/FDUwC8U.jpg). Initially, this was explained away as an issue with dye lots. As things can take so long to stitch, sometimes if you replace a skein of floss after a few years there may be a subtle difference in the shade because it's a different dye lot. As I mentioned at the beginning, DMC is the premier choice of floss because they are incredibly consistent between dye lots, so this is very rarely an issue, and certainly not to the extent the above picture shows. [Thread Bare](https://www.thread-bare.com/2020/07/04/are-there-problems-with-the-01-35-dmc-thread-colors) did an excellent write up of why the dye lot argument is bullshit, with pictures, so if you're interested in more technical detail I would encourage you to look at that. What makes this drama worse is that the only way you could really get any information from or to the owner is through their Facebook page, which was quick to delete or ridicule commenters who expressed concerns about their patterns. Even as recently as June 2020, [HAED sent an email out blaming the error on dye lots.](https://i.imgur.com/MqVuXmC.jpg) Quoting from the email "we are seeing this more often" - at what point would it occur to them that perhaps this is an issue with them and not an issue with everyone else? They [sent customers pictures to try and prove there was a dye lot error](https://i.imgur.com/FWLTVVf.png), whereas it was really just a lighting difference. Well - as of July 2nd they [admitted it is an error with the charting](https://heavenandearthdesigns.com/index.php?main_page=page&amp;id=44). [Despite admitting there was an error with the charting, they only closed their store down after 3 days following the backlash that they were still selling known faulty charts with no warning on the site] But wait - surely this charting error wouldn't affect HAED, as she hand creates the patterns herself? Well, obviously that claim was total bullshit. Honestly - it wasn't super surprising, the rate that new, ultra-complex patterns were added to the shop meant that if you thought about it for at least a few moments you could infer that she didn't hand create these patterns herself. What's worse is that she also doesn't appear to employ test stitchers. Test stitchers are common and will, as the name suggests, test stitch a piece before or even just after sale, just to make sure the final result is good enough. While you wouldn't expect someone to test stitch an entire 300,000 stitch pattern, most would consider it reasonable to test stitch a small area, particularly an area with the new colours used. The owner claims that 14000 patterns are affected - even assuming this is a mistype, 1400 patterns is an overwhelming amount to fix. Reminder - these kits cost $200+ each, and she's not doing anything more than running it through some software. Now, some of you might think, "surely you can just sub in 08/09 with a similar colour and then it'll be fine"? This is the proposed solution by HAED themselves (see the suggestion in the email to sub out 09 with 3371). In the "re-charted" patterns she's sent out already, this is in essence what she has done, and there have already been push backs that it still looks awful. To wheel back to colour theory - there is no floss that corresponds to the incorrect RGB values that were used. And - without getting too technical again, but by subbing around one colour for another, it creates a domino effect with surrounding colours. This may not be an issue in patterns that are meant to look blocky, but in HAED patterns they are meant to look as realistic as possible - one colour throwing off the surrounding colours ripple effects all the way through the pattern. So now there are a bunch of stitchers that are several hundred dollars and potentially several hundred hours into these pieces, only to be told that they will be sent a 'recharted' pattern at some point over the next few months (which will probably not be a proper rechart, but a substitution of a colour one-to-one), and some stitchers are already several thousand stitches into their pieces. Some additional examples of the errors/ 'fixes'/mockups [This stitcher](https://imgur.com/Kbi78II) (the error is the left-hand side of the birdhouse) was sent a replacement pattern that still looked awful when ran through a mock-up, so has changed it herself (it took her four days to frog the error out and start again) [This edited area](https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/s960x960/107046776_10219951140756627_7682633970086323159_o.jpg?_nc_cat=107&amp;_nc_sid=1480c5&amp;_nc_ohc=v-_yzJcN9NcAX-72WVU&amp;_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&amp;_nc_tp=7&amp;oh=d095a9658f17cd2d205a2e667ae8f88f&amp;oe=5F337C92) looks abysmal and has been told by the owner that it is correct and fine [The top left next to the needle minder](https://i.imgur.com/jhQAeWg.jpg) is very poorly coloured, and this poor person is about 150,000 stitches in. [The HAED 'mockup' vs the predicted result](https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/106488970_270528117348913_3320433689868602225_o.jpg?_nc_cat=108&amp;_nc_sid=1480c5&amp;_nc_ohc=_0GIUBUdV1oAX8b4YkU&amp;_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&amp;oh=79a5449957b538fa385d0d2d2fd62284&amp;oe=5F3493BD) [This fireplace is light purple-brown vs the intended dark brown](https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/104746104_3138194999580232_4880221259887742151_o.jpg?_nc_cat=108&amp;_nc_sid=1480c5&amp;_nc_ohc=g2qH8Gh10M0AX_8nOxT&amp;_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&amp;oh=4c37e39ecdcc11c5802610875e4469f1&amp;oe=5F3527EC) [The left is the 09 chart and the right is the fix](https://scontent-lhr8-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/106389095_3278977758788037_6720075332275047088_o.jpg?_nc_cat=101&amp;_nc_sid=1480c5&amp;_nc_ohc=_FuPuGzaEDUAX9Sn3Eo&amp;_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-1.xx&amp;oh=19208169280f3916f4612c8befd8721d&amp;oe=5F32942E) - the right is still not great. **The Fallout** People are mad and upset. This is an expensive item that is faulty, there was a known error for two years that was not fixed, and people who did express concern were deleted/banned from the Facebook page. People may well be hours and hours into their chart only to be told it's going to look shit. HAED are rapidly losing their image as the premier full coverage producer, it is a major fall from grace. There is no other way to get information than through the Facebook group, and not only are they banning anyone criticising HAED from their group, they're banning members who criticise HAED in other groups pre-emptively. There is also the question about how this is going to work going forward - if 08 and 09 are removed from the pattern, there is going to be no way to tell if a pattern for sale was affected by this situation or not [Aside from the drama, the HAED website is absolutely awful to browse at the best of times]. You could end up paying for a chart that may never have been charted correctly in the first place. A lot of people have been moving to different full coverage creators, who do employ test stitchers, run the software with edits made afterwards, and don't just whack in the picture, turn the number of colours to 250 and the biggest size and hope for the best. A number of people are calling out the owner for lying about creating the charts herself in the first place when this is now very obviously not true. There are also many stitchers submitting refunds through their credit cards for faulty goods. There's also some rumblings that not only have 08 and 09 been affected but the other 32 new colours - if that's true it could very well sink HAED completely, if they haven't been sunk already. Others are contacting the artists that licence their work to HAED explaining the issues and the terrible customer service, and already there are rumours they will retract their licence as a result (no screenshots of this as it's only rumoured at the moment). Some very kind artists are letting people who purchased faulty kits run the original, high def artwork through a better pattern creating software so they have an accurate pattern to use. For me, personally, the fallout involved a very emotional throwing away of the kit I had invested over a few hundred hours in and picking up one of the other dozen non-HAED kits I have instead. *Disclaimer* *This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.* Read the original [here](https://www.reddit.com//r/HobbyDrama/comments/hrn1ol/cross_stitch_a_notsoheavenly_design_or_what/)