First Mushroom Experience

On the weekend I am planning to take psilocybin for the first time. I am generally a very careful and cautious person. During my twenties I got struck heavily by depression. What saved me from it and many bad habits that I picked up through the years was an ever increasing meditation regiment that continuously reduced the frequency of my recurring bouts of depression.

I am not sure what to do. I feel like psilocybin could be just the thing that completely cuts the remaining shackles of my depression or this is what I fear; it drives me completely insane.

Maybe meditation will bring me also there, maybe I am just too impatient. I don't know.

I am looking to rediscover genuine joy. Being able to relate to people. I often have the feeling I can not connect to people on a fundamental level because there is this traumatizing depression with us in the room and I just think they haven't seen what I have seen. And this separates us.

I feel undecided and it seems like I am lacking the wisdom to make a decision.